The first thing you notice in the USA Networks movie Moby Dick is that little Elliott from E.T. has grown up really nicely, and gee, he’s kinda cute. Henry Thomas does a nice accent as Ismael, the 19th-century Nantucket schoolteacher with a ‘burning desire’ for the sea. The next thing you notice are the bad omens.

Maybe in 50 years, Gus Van Sant’s Psycho will be the classic that needs protection from upstart filmmakers. Somehow, though, I doubt it. Not that Pyscho is a bad movie in and of itself — in fact, I think if Hitchcock’s film were not around for comparison, Van Sant’s film would be much more warmly received. But Van Sant’s insistence on not merely remaking but re-creating, on a shot-by-shot basis, Hitchcock’s film is ultimately its downfall.

Babe: Pig in the City has got to be the darkest G-rated movie I’ve ever seen. From a floozy poodle and a drowning pit bull to a junkyard kitten’s heartbreaking mews of hunger and her terrier friend’s story of how his humans cruelly abandoned him, Pig in the City may be enough to give little kids nightmares, or at least prompt them to ask awkward questions of their parents.

When Valjean and Javert face off, it’s like the immovable object meeting the irresistible force. Neeson and Rush are electric together. Neeson, a head taller and much heftier than Rush, could easily threaten to overwhelm Rush with his onscreen presence, but that never happens. Their characters and their performances are so perfectly balanced that you can almost see them feeding off each other’s energy in an endless feedback loop, making both of them stronger than they’d have been alone.

I’m not sure how much I should go into the controversy surrounding The Siege. I’ve seen the movie, obviously — I didn’t think anything about it was offensive. That many people do take offense seems to mean that 1) they haven’t actually seen the movie before they started crying racism, which I find easy to believe, or 2) that my lack of familiarity with the Arab/Islamic cultures prevents me from seeing the derogatory bits, which I also find easy to believe. Probably, the brouhaha over The Siege is a combination of ignorance on both sides of the fence.

Bruce Willis has appeared in so many awful movies, playing so many uninteresting characters, that it’s easy to forget how fabulous an actor he can be in the right roles. (He won an Emmy in 1987 for TV’s screwball-comedy Moonlighting, fer pete’s sake, and deservedly so.) Amongst the Hudson Hawks and the Armageddons, there are films like Pulp Fiction and Twelve Monkeys that make you wonder how so talented an actor can get any creative satisfaction from something like The Fifth Element. Two recent Willis flicks show just how schizophrenic he is in his choice of roles.

Tina Turner got it right. Love just makes you a mess, and it definitely interferes with your authority. Especially if you’re a powerful and independent woman. Probably only if you’re a woman — male presidents, CEOs, and monarchs juggle wives and mistresses with no problems (even all the twirling of Ken Starr’s mustache hasn’t undone Bill Clinton).

Don Knotts as Satan? Sly and sinister, his TV repairman is the serpent offering the town of Pleasantville the apple — here in the form of David and Jennifer, who introduce the town to books, art, sex, even the hedonistic pleasure of standing out in a rainstorm. (If there’s any doubt that Pleasantville is a fantasy, just watch for the scene with all the young people lined up outside the library, eager to read anything they can get their hands on.) And the townsfolk literally start blossoming, going full Technicolor as their horizons expand.