Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (review)
Crams three times the hoo-hah of the first film into a 3D CGI theme-park ride, yet reduces itself to one-third the fun…
fantasy
Intruders (review)
Alas that Intruders doesn’t seem to understand that movie monsters need something more primally urgent about them than it has bothered to attach to its Hollowface.
Underworld: Awakening (review)
The fanboy-wank-material franchise continues! Kate Beckinsale runs around a dank, rainy, gothy, first-person-shooter generic urban landscape. And the blood and brainmatter splatters out at you in 3D! Please to have a cinemagasm!
Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (review)
Hey, wouldn’t it be neat if Alvin asked Dave, “Am I a pet?” and then, not getting an honest answer, led a chipmunk uprising?
Happy Feet Two (review)
This is it: the collectivist kiddie flick that makes it look like fun to work together for the betterment of all. Disgusting!
Puss in Boots (review)
I’m pretty sure that the reason Antonio Banderas was put on this planet was to make Puss in Boots speak…
A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas (review)
Want to make manchildren laugh? Blow some weed smoke out at them in 3D. Call something “Avatarded” as a compliment. Get a baby high. Har har.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (review)
It. Is. So. Romantic! I could almost die. Just like Bella does here. Almost die, I mean. Because that’s what you do for love.
Arthur Christmas movie review: sufficiently advanced Christmas magic
Is there sweet? Absolutely. But it is cut with funny: sometimes wicked, sometimes manic, often hysterical, always clever funny. And a whole lotta poignant, too.
Immortals (review)
It’s like if Samwise Gamgee wrote fan fiction about Greek mythology, and then Vogue magazine’s most outré photographers did a huge photo spread based on that…
