2006 theatrical releases

Surely there will come a time when smart, talented, accomplished American women will tire of being told the reason they are unable to snag a man and wrangle a ring out of him is because of that enormous stick up their butts? Cuz, as one of those poor, benighted, unbeknighted gals, I can assure you … more…

There’s something comfortably familiar in this tale of a tough blue-collar young man trying to make his way on the right side of the tracks, and that’s just fine: this is solid B-movie stuff right outta the time when “B movie” wasn’t an insult but more a mark of quality craftsmanship. That said, the underrated … more…

This is the kind of movie that reduces film critics to tears of frustration. Its idiocy is boundless, its senselessness without end, its unendurability beyond description, but trying to find a place to begin explaining why this is a sure and certain sign of the decline of American civilization is impossible — that doom is … more…

Eat Our Dust The first human being to walk on Mars doesn’t know it yet, but she is gonna see this movie on a school trip to a science museum and have her little eight-year-old mind blown. And the idea of Mars is gonna lodge itself in her head so that the only way she … more…

Hellza Poppins With full and uncomfortable knowledge the kind of crap that passes for children’s entertainment these days, I figured I was in for an excruciating time of it when Nanny McPhee opened with Colin Firth — Mr. Darcy himself! — taking a pratfall down a flight of stairs. I became further afeared when the … more…

The Lure of Lore So, we have a new retelling of a medieval legend from director Kevin Reynolds, who brought us the supremely goofy Kevin Costner-riffic Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (not the mention the dreadful The Count of Monte Cristo as well as Waterworld, which isn’t as bad as its reputation would lead you … more…

How many times can we be confronted with the iconography of organized genocide before it stops feeling like a kick in the gut? I guess it’s at least one more than whatever number this desolate Hungarian film represents, because here again are the cattle cars, the dead-eyed people, the piles of abandoned luggage, the relentless … more…

Not So Grimm There’s no question that there’s something whacked-out creepy about the computer-generated animation that drives Hoodwinked, the new hey-we’re-totally-not-Shrek–but-man-that-was-a-cool-flick-eh? feature-length cartoon. There’s a plastic sheen to the skin of the human characters and an almost obscene bulging to their enormous eyes that is, I imagine, exactly like what Precious Moments figurines would look … more…