Race to Witch Mountain (review)
Don’t bother with the film at all if you’re not a fan of The Rock…
2009 theatrical releases
Miss March (review)
If you wanted to explain to a mentally challenged hamster about the virgin/whore dichotomy, you could do worse than to show it *Miss March.*
The Last House on the Left (review)
Actually worse than all the other horror flicks of recent vintage that assume that the audience is a vicarious sexual sadist.
Watchmen (review)
Probably the best three-hour version of the story that could be made…
An American Affair (review)
It was originally titled *Boy of Pigs*, which captures the near-risibility of a movie that attempts to conflate the sexual awakening of one lonely adolescent with so traumatic an event as the assassination of John F. Kennedy.
Fired Up! (review)
I’ve always suspected that teen-boy fantasies like the execrable *Fired Up!* had to be based on the adolescent wet dreams of 40something Hollywood nerds…
The International (review)
Corruption! High finance! Political murder! Clive Owen!
Coraline (review)
An elemental tale of childhood fantasies and nightmares…
Push (review)
Dakota Fanning is the Littlest Action Hero in this disappointingly generic shoot-’em-up…
Chocolate (review)
Alas that the most intriguing thing about this martial-arts kickfest is its wave-of-the-future release schedule.
