Rock of Ages (review)

The story is almost beside the point, because Tom Cruise’s nude torso that I could be running my hands all over and because the young kittenish leads in this story cobbled together around awesome 80s hair-band stadium anthems are the weakest part of it.

my week at the movies: ‘Bedtime Stories’

Just one movie this week, my last movie for the year (not counting the piles of screeners I’ll be spending the holiday weeks plowing through before I have to finalize my nominations ballot for the Online Film Critics Society awards). I’m dreading it because it’s Adam Sandler, but maybe Bedtime Stories (opens wide in the … more…

The Pacifier (review)

So I’m sitting there in the dark with my little reporter notebook, diligently taking notes and formulating theses to support my contention that *The Pacifier* fails as a film, and I think it was during a burst of abject whimpering from the very famous critic sitting next to me, whom I guarantee you’ve seen on TV, that I suddenly and finally realized the futility of life, the ubiquitousness of pain, and the infinite emptiness of the universe that we puny humans on our puny planet in our puny corner of the cosmos cannot hope to ameliorate.