handcrafted by maryann johanson (human) | 100% free of AIs and algorithms
Not that it’s hard. But it is funny: LOS ANGELES—In the largest deal ever made to shit out a movie, Warner Bros. and director Michael Bay announced a landmark $50 million agreement this week to monumentally fuck up ThunderCats. “I couldn’t be more excited to completely fuck this up,” said Bay, who plans to begin … more…
Take a look back at everything I wrote about the first *Crank,* and how wrong and evil and amoral and filthy and sordid that flick was, and double it. No, quintuple it. Also: quintuple how much I laughed.
Take a break from not working this wasted holiday week: watch a movie trailer… Say what? A spooky child? We’ve certainly never seen that before, have we? He wants to be born now? Doesn’t he think he might have a better time of it if he doesn’t scare his sister to death? You know, light … more…
It’s just as visually lively, just as crammed full of clever and literate wordplay, just as screamingly hilarious as ‘Shaun of the Dead.’
Oh, those rickety biplanes, all canvas and wood and held together by spit and a prayer, come taxiing out of the early morning fog and there’s the sad tin whistle music and the eager young men jumping to get up in the air and get themselves killed, and I’m a basket case from the get-go, all tears and sobby and having just the best time I can have at the movies: I. Am. Moved.
Welcome to *THX 11-Michael Bay*! It’s not a science fiction movie, but an incredible simulation!
It hasn’t been a great year for film — I’m not the first critic you’ve heard say this. I had some very powerful and very entertaining experiences at the movies this year, but not as many as in other years, and few of those experiences coincided with the films that Hollywood wants us to think … more…
Of course it’s Michael Bay-ariffic in that adorably ultraviolent, homophobic kinda way, all vehicles exploding for no apparent reason and deeply repressed male emotions, the kind of stuff that can’t help but lead one to the conclusion that Michael Bay is denying that he has some serious issues with, really, just about everything he comes into contact with: women, men, cars, swimming pools, family pets, home electronics.
Yeah and yee-ha! but this is good old-fashioned pulpy, popcorny B-movie fun only with real science and no giant radioactive mutant anythings.
Oh, there will be those who say that Armageddon is mindless fluff, a complete waste of celluloid, a blot on humanity’s collective soul. Heed them not. Director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer have crafted as fine an educational experience as you will find these days.
sample sponsored post (sponsored) - Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Fusce quis risus odio.
