Planet of the Apes (2001) movie review: monkey business
What happens when you give $100 million to a geeky fanboy? You get a $100 million homage to a cult classic SF flick beloved by geeky fanboys.
Month: July 2001
America’s Sweethearts (review)
Actually, most of the cast of America’s Sweetheart are not bad actors — they’re just badly directed from a bad script here. And that’s bad enough. This is cutesy-pootsie cotton candy that pulls all its punches and could only survive on the chemistry of its stars, which is unfortunately completely nonexistent.
Jurassic Park III (review)
Isla Sorna has become something of an attractive nuisance these days. Never mind that InGen’s real-life monster island is surrounded by restricted airspace and that travel to it is absolutely forbidden. Never mind that it’s common knowledge that people have been eaten there. Does this stop adventurous types from trying to catch a glimpse of an honest-to-goodness genetically engineered freak dinosaur? Of course not. InGen’s legal budget must require advanced mathematics to grasp.
Godzillla 2000 (review)
TOKYO (AP) — Downtown Tokyo was leveled last night for the 23rd time in the last 50 years in a daring twilight rampage by Godzilla. Anti-monster sirens blared minutes before the attack, allowing thousands of citizens to escape injury by fleeing the area, although one vegetable-stand owner was heard to scoff, ‘Bah! Godzilla…’ before being stomped to death by the beast. Police officials were quoted as saying ‘Aaahhhhh! Godzilla!!!!
The Mists of Avalon (review)
Adapting a book to film is always a tricky proposition. Adapting a beloved book is asking for trouble. Stray too far from the source material, and you run the risk of incurring the scorn of the book’s fans — possessive, protective fans with their own very definite ideas about how their beloved book should look on the screen.
Inbred Rednecks (review)
In case the title doesn’t clue you in, know this: Inbred Rednecks was Screaming Stoner Video’s Stoner Classic of the Year, 1999. A “rude movie” by Joshua P. Warren — who wrote, directed, and did practically everything else — this little slice of North Carolina redneck life is getting a theatrical run in NYC starting … more…
Everybody’s Famous (review)
Is there anybody who doesn’t want to be famous? Sure: those who already are. A 2000 Oscar nominee for Best Foreign Film, this Belgian-Dutch-French production — performed in the Flemish language — proves that a mania for celebrity isn’t a bizarre phenomenon exclusive to the Great Sodom of America. Eighteen-year-old Marva Vereecken (Eva van der … more…
Made (review)
Made is not the film Jon Favreau was ‘shooting’ two years ago in an episode of The Sopranos — you remember, when Christopher Moltisanti fancied himself getting into the movie biz, and he visited the set of a film Favreau was directing starring Sandra Bernhard and Janeane Garofalo. But I bet it was partly inspired by that experience.
Legally Blonde movie review: counsel for the defense
May it please the court, the evidence will show that the defendant Elle Woods, in the person of Reese Witherspoon, is not the dumb blonde bunny of which she is accused of being. Further, your honor, the evidence will show that just because the movie my client is associated with is silly doesn’t mean it doesn’t have something smart to say.
Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (review)
Captain Masculine has the hots for Dr. Beautiful, Compassionate, and Demurely Small-Breasted Scientist (voiced by Ming-Na), who has the magical ability to carry her own personal breeze with her. Nowhere can she travel that her lovely and well-conditioned auburn tresses don’t undulate in her individual weather system — it’s nice to know that salon-quality hair-care products survived the apocalypse and collapse of planetwide civilization.
