Awful Thing X
These movies, they just make it so damn easy. Do they realize that? A pseudohorrorific, semipsychologicamical flick about going back in time and erasing the bad things that’ve happened? About fixing the world and making it right if only you can prevent Awful Thing X from happening? About getting your memories rewritten so that you’ve always lived in a world where Awful Thing X never happened? Gosh, the reviews practically write themselves: My life was fine and dandy until I saw that Ashton Kutcher movie, oh if I could only rewind my life to the moment before the lights went down, I could save the world! Or if I could go back in time and prevent Ashton Kutcher’s agent from being born, and then my brain would be flooded with memories of an Ashton Kutcher-
Ah, sweet, sweet fantasy.
It’s not that Ashton Kutcher isn’t scary — lord knows, with that blank stare and the gaping maw and the smooth, shiny robot skin, he’s the stuff of cinematic nightmares. It’s that he’s not scary in any way personally enjoyable to me. Look, he’s supposed to be this guy with the power of, like, life and death and the fate of the universe in his hands or head or whatever, and the most he can muster up in response to this awesome power is a dull stupefaction, kind of like the look a cow gets in its eyes, I would imagine, when it suddenly realizes why it’s been dreaming of styrofoam plates and plastic wrap.
There’s no explanation from writer/
Again with the movie writing its own reviews: So bad my nose bled!
Bress and Gruber just keep piling the badness on in this sci-fi melodrama of unintended consequences, but they’re quite limited in their imaginations. They “quote” “Chaos Theory” in the beginning of the film, like there’s one succinct and quotable definition, or perhaps as if Chaos Theory were some pipe-
Maybe Evan is just moving too fast for the unintended consequences to catch up with him, because Bress and Gruber jam so much into a single day of Evan’s life that it leaves you kinda breathless and giddy with their lack of a sense of how many hours there are in a day and just how much even the most ambitious human being can pack into the time between breakfast and dinner. Evan and his pals blow up a mailbox and get traumatized and run around panicking and race home and call an ambulance and see one of their gang carted off to the looney bin and Evan goes to see his shrink cuz he blacked out during the exploding mailbox (an unintended consequence of quantum leaping) and has a frightful session including nosebleed and he and the gang (sans Nutjob Boy) go to the movies and talk about what happened with all the deep insight and retrospect acquired over the distance of time and Evan’s Mom sees a news report about the blown-
Oh, but I kid The Butterfly Effect. As far as awful acting and bad writing and cheesy melodrama go, this is some of the funniest stuff I’ve seen in ages. I never thought I’d find Ashton Kutcher hilarious, and now I do.