Mystery Science Theater 3000: Volume 6 (review)

Embrace the snark. If you still desperately miss MST3K as much as I do, then rejoicing is the only response to this sixth collection of mad-cinematic experiments. Hapless but sneakily hilarious janitor Joel Robinson (Joel Hodgson, creator of the series and one of TV’s unappreciated genius innovators) and his robot pals survive forced watching of … more…

Million Dollar Baby (review)

Oh, but this is a sucker punch of a movie, harsh and sere and so thoroughly unsentimental that it seems to have active contempt for lesser movies that pander to the audience’s desire to walk out of the theater feeling good and happy and that all is right in the world. This is like winning the lottery and getting hit by a train on your way to cash in your ticket. This is not for anyone who feels the need to escape real life at the multiplex. This *is* real life, as real as film gets. You are warned.

Flight of the Phoenix (review)

*Flight of the Phoenix* opens with this big old ugly-beautiful C-119 cargo plane flying over the desolate-beautiful Gobi Desert, swooping and soaring and, frankly, showing off in its magnificent defiance of the harsh world below. And blasting on the soundtrack, while the titles flash, is Johnny Cash’s weary-exuberant anthem ‘I’ve Been Everywhere.’ The combined effect is hauntingly memorable — I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, can’t get the song out of my head — half audacious arrogance, half genuine love of traveling the world and seeing what there is to see out there.

Ocean’s Twelve (review)

If there’s a scarcely populated niche in the Hollywood ecosystem, it’s the one where popcorn movies for grownups roam lonely: you know, films without fart jokes or stuff blowing up real good starring actual adults that nevertheless are not about people dying of cancer or lying compulsively about sex or surviving against terrible odds in rubble-strewn war zones while Nazis hunt them down in a way that speaks metaphoric volumes about the human condition. Sometimes you just need a fun, diverting movie free of delusions of grandeur and Oscar clips but not free of lots of pretty people to look at.

Blade: Trinity (review)

Reason No. 143,854 why invading Iraq was a bad idea: It woke up the ‘patriarch’ of all vampires, who was slumbering in the desert, and boy is he pissed.

The Homecoming: A Christmas Story (review)

This CBS TV movie, charming and heartwarming Christmas hokum personified, introduces us to the Walton family, those hearty folk of good pioneer stock soldiering their way through the Great Depression, poor but happy. It’s Christmas Eve, 1933, and Momma (Patricia Neal) and the passel of kids await the return of Father, who’s off working miles … more…

The Gift of Love (review)

As excruciating as this film is, it’s almost a pleasure to be reminded that vapid pop stars who think they can act are not a particular failing of the MTV era. Why, a quarter of a century ago, Marie Osmond pouted and sulked her way through this 1978 TV movie as Beth Atherton, an orphan … more…

Christmas Carol: The Movie (review)

The voice cast of this animated British kid flick is an Anglophile’s dream: Kate Winslet (Finding Neverland), Michael Gambon (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow), Juliet Stevenson (Being Julia), Rhys Ifans (Vanity Fair), Jane Horrocks (Chicken Run). Pity that not a one of them distinguishes him- or herself — the voice performances are so … more…

House of Flying Daggers (review)

It’s impossible not to compare Zhang Yimou’s *House of Flying Daggers* with *Hero,* his previous film, because although two years separate them, we got them in a one-two punch here in the States. And I was still reeling from *Hero* when I sat down to watch this new one, and although I kinda didn’t think it would be possible, *House of Flying Daggers* is even more beautiful and more romantic and more exciting and more spectacular and more *everything.* I’m almost afraid to know what Zhang will conjure up for his next film — I might explode out of sheer delight.

Zelary (review)

If it was an Oscar nominee for Best Foreign Language Film — as this one was last year — then it must have Nazis in it. Sure enough, here they are, swarming all over Prague, forcing cosmopolitan medical student/resistance member Eliska (Ana Geislerova) to run for the hills, literally. Hiding out in the titular Czech … more…