Month: February 2005

There’s a moment, toward the end of *Kinsey,* when the sex researcher — by this point half-renowned, half-reviled — is giving a lecture about the disconnect between public morality in the United States and the private behavior that all the preaching and haranguing in the world isn’t going to change. (C’mon: Who *doesn’t* love orgasms? Who *isn’t* getting nowhere near enough of them?) While Kinsey rants passionately, a middle-aged couple stand up and stalk out, looking like they’ve smelled something bad.

If you’ve ever dreamed of the many ways in which, say, rugged tough guy Tommy Lee Jones could be emasculated, your dream has come true. Confrontation with yards of lacy, sexy lingerie hanging in the shower? Check. Confusion in the ‘feminine products’ aisle of the supermarket? Oh, you know it.

It is suggested in *A Company of Soldiers* that those Americans who protest the invasion and occupation of Iraq are simply too afraid to come out and fight — if they have the energy to organize marches and demonstrations, they should sign up for the *real* battle. The cognitive dissonance required to come up with such a stubbornly diametric take on protest is downright stunning… until you consider that the man who proffers this bizarre idea is one of the grunts actually doing the fighting.

When I tell you guys that it’s my job to watch bad movies so you don’t have to — though, come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve actually ever put it that way before, but it’s true — it’s movies like *Son of the Mask* that I’m talking about. My suffering will have been in vain if you succumb to the slick marketing — like the TV ads that try to make ‘Jamie Kennedy’ sound like ‘Jim Carrey’ — or to nostalgia for the 1994 film (which I think is astoundingly mediocre but is a work of genius compared to this one) and end up in a movie theater where *Son of the Mask* is showing. And *your* suffering at that point will certainly be in vain.

Just when you thought the kids’ movie was lost forever in a cesspool of toilet humor and cartoon violence, along comes a wonderful film like this one, smart and sweet but unsentimental and warmly genuine in its portrait of childhood innocence and the adventure of growing up. The trials of 10-year-old Opal (newcomer AnnaSophia Robb, … more…

Painfully aware of how plain vanilla his life is and tired of feeling invisible, Peter Rooker (Marcus Thomas: Noel) tries out for a part in a local production of Cyrano de Bergerac… and gets the lead role, despite having no acting experience whatsoever and giving a dreadful audition. Yup, this is another one of those … more…

It looks like a chick flick, but don’t let that fool you, guys: When you get dragged along to *Hitch* this weekend, because it’s Valentine’s Day and for some reason you have to do whatever your ladyfriend wants because some greeting-card company has forced a holiday upon us, you will discover that this is actually every man’s fantasy.