Into the Blue (review)

Get new reviews in your email in-box or in an app by becoming a paid Substack subscriber or Patreon patron.

I love it when I discover that there’s an unspoken movie rule I didn’t know I knew. Like this one: No Paul Walker movie should be more than 87 minutes long. It’s just common sense, but it only ever occurred to me when I first encountered one that broke it. C’mon, it’s gotta take a special kind of stupid to take a movie that pretends it’s about treasure hunting in the Caribbean but is really about watching almost naked beautiful people flounce around in crystal-clear tropical waters and make it actually boring. If you’re looking at your watch during a movie about almost naked beautiful people, that’s bad. Walker (Noel) and Jessica Alba (Fantastic Four) are a totally adorable beach-bum couple who discover an underwater wreck full of pirate goodies right near another underwater wreck full of more contemporary loot — cocaine — which gives them something to talk about in their not-so-adorable “Look, Ma, I went to acting school!” way until the completely obvious villain reveals himself and both treasures are dealt with. The smooth uniform goldenness of both Walker and Alba has long since ceased to be distracting by then.

share and enjoy