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precarious since 1997 | by maryann johanson

weekend box office: headline writers haul out every punny variation on ‘Click’ and ‘remote control’

would you abandon this adorable family for
David Hasselhoff? Adam Sandler did…

All those with IQs in the triple digits, read it and weep: Adam Sandler — who has said publicly: “I’m not particularly smart. I’m not particularly talented. I’m not particularly good-looking. And yet I am a multimillionaire.” — has another huge hit on his hands with the idiotic-yet-idiotically-sentimental Click, which earned $40 million this past weekend. Sony Pictures, which released the film, is happy, of course. Box Office Mojo quotes the company’s president of domestic distribution, Rory Bruer:

Adam’s a smart guy, and I think he listens to his audience in regards to what they like. He just seems to be such an accessible star to his audience. I feel really good about how the film’s going to hold, because the story has such a broad appeal to adults and families.

Because movies featuring recurring jokes about dogs humping stuffed animals, they’re so, you know, family friendly. And mature, sophisticated moviegoers just can’t get enough of that kind of thing, either.

How smart is Sandler, though? Smart enough to keep insisting he’s dumb, or dumb enough to keep doing so. Deseret News doesn’t want Sandler’s fans to get insecure about their dubious hero:

I’m still a moron, Sandler assures his admirers

He’s on the verge of turning 40 and became a father for the first time when his wife, Jackie, gave birth to their daughter, Sadie, last month. But Adam Sandler assures fans he’s still a moron.

“I like being a moron,” Sandler said. “My father called me a moron. My grandfather said I was a moron. A lot of times when I’m driving, I hear I’m a moron.”

Of course, Sandler probably couldn’t have gotten where he is without at least half a brain in his head… and Moron-Americans are, by definition, too dumb to realize they’re being condescended to when Sandler says such things. (His costar, though, is on to him. Virgin.net quotes Kate Beckinsale as saying: “I thoroughly enjoyed playing his wife because I didn’t have to take him home.”)

But all thinking movie fans should be afraid. Very afraid. Moron Sandler — whether he’s genuinely a moron or only plays on TV because audiences like moronic shit — is clearly trying to inject more sentimental-but-still-moronic shit into his film. Says Toronto’s globeandmail.com:

Sandler’s next two movies emphasize his dichotomy between the sad family man and the impudent rule-breaker. In Empty City by Mike Binder (The Upside of Anger), scheduled to be released this year, he plays a man who is trying to recover from the death of his family in the Sept. 11 attacks.

If that doesn’t win him an acting prize, he’ll have the consolation of another goofball hit next year when he co-stars with Kevin James in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, about two firefighters who fake a gay marriage to gain work benefits.

Oh my god. Moron “comedies” about 9/11 and gay marriage. Just shoot me.

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