The Atlantic’s Daily Dish recently asked:
What widely accepted practice, custom, or societal norm do you regard as irrational, absurd, offensive, silly, nonsensical, counterproductive, or morally wrong?
Which is so excellent a question that I’m going to steal it.
Daily Dish gathered responses by email and reported on the results:
Perhaps 200 people responded, and the most frequent answer was that it makes no sense to say “God bless you” after someone sneezes. Lots of readers also lodged complaints against eating meat, mistreating animals, believing in God, practicing organized religion, driving SUVs, and the societal practice of pairing off in monogamous relationships.
Less expected responses will make up the bulk of what I post. Let’s start with a common answer that I didn’t anticipate:
Carol objected most concisely: “Pumping dead bodies full of embalming fluid and burying them in a sealed casket, instead of wrapped in fabric in a pine box so they can decay as quickly as possible.”
I, too, would probably pick our bizarre funeral practices as the thing that annoys me most, and seems wrong in lots of ways. From the environment horror of embalming to the absurd expense that is incurred by grieving families at a vulnerable moment — what the hell is the purpose of spending thousands of dollars on a box only to bury it a couple of days later? — how we bury our dead is ridiculous.
Your turn…
(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD/QOTW, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTW sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)
American industrial civilization on the whole is pretty damn ridiculous. Our consumption habits, car-dependent development, industrialized agriculture, lowest-common-denominator news and entertainment, glorification of ignorance as strength, petty and short-sighted social and economic policies, xenophobia, insecurity, and bloodlust – it’s all offensive to me, and it’s all killing us. I don’t think I can pluck out just one thread to complain about.
Not offensive, but just a bit of crowd behavior that seems pointless to me: The habit people have, while waiting in NYC subway stations, of standing close to (or even leaning over) the platform edge and looking intently in the direction the train will come. What for? The train comes when it comes, and no amount of staring into a dark tunnel will make it arrive any faster.
Also, the insincere “How are you” and equally insincere “Fine” as a casual greeting. Having said that, even a meaningless greeting is better than none at all: I think it’s rude when radio talk show hosts ignore the guests’ “how are you” and plunge straight into their first question. And fail to thank the guests at the end if they’re running short on time.
Also–and this *is* offensive to me–the habit people have of complimenting young girls on their appearance, and nothing else. So many well-meaning people have told me variations of “How pretty your daughter is!” that I’m tempted to snap back, “Yes, and she’s a voracious reader and knows more about ancient Egypt and colonial America than you do.” Just another reminder that our culture tends to value women for their looks before any other qualities.
I’d like to know what the reasoning was behind monogamy being on that list.
Sure, it’s not for everyone but there is a scientific, rational explanation for it.
Tolerance for all sorts of nonsensical garbage if it can be classified as “religious”. If you choose what to do based not on your own reasoning and discussion with other people but on what somebody else told you an invisible sky fairy said thousands of years ago, you are part of the problem.
Stigma of showing nudity vs. no stigma for violence.
Janet Jackson’s tit is more horrible than any murder scene with a dead body on CSI Name of City.
One quirk of human psychology that is silly (for there are many) is repeatedly pressing a button to make something happen quicker. Like at lifts.
There seems to be a biological basis for heterosexual couples pairing off long enough to produce and raise a child till it’s a few years old. But there is no “rational” basis for *all* or *most* couples pairing off for 20, 30, 40 years or longer.
Serial monogamy seems to make more sense for humans. Not exclusive, lifelong monogamy.
I find the circumcision of male babies to be a particularly disgusting and too-common practice. It’s widely practiced, even outside the Jewish faith, and it deserves the same level of outrage that female circumcision carries.
Sexual mutilation in the name of “cleanliness”? It’s horrifying, with and without the religious bullshit behind it.
Shaking hands. We have long since moved beyond the days of needing to verify that the other guy isn’t carrying a weapon, so what is the point of shaking hands any more?
I long since stopped saying “bless you” when someone sneezes (hint: it doesn’t work, they keep sneezing). We are not superstItious about such things in the 21st century (or shouldn’t be).
Also, I don’t like the societal trend that caused us to stop responding with a “you’re welcome” to a “thank you,” indicating that you are always welcome to do the same. Instead we now hear the selfish response “no problem” that implies had it been a problem, you’d be out of luck, buddy! If you say, no, it means it’s not a problem to do it, I say what if it were a problem? With “you’re welcome” it is open-ended and inclusive. So I make a point of saying “you’re welcome” and enjoy watching the glimmer of memory cross their face as they realize people used to say that.
To go along with the subway thing, baggage claim areas in airports make me want to yell at everyone. If there were just a yellow line around the thing labeled “Please do not cross unless actively retrieving a bag” there would be much more room for people to stand, you could have a longer field of vision, and children would get hit by swinging bags 100% less.
Saying “bless you” after a sneeze is not a norm. It is merely a common habit. The official norm mind you is for the person who sneezed to excuse herself afterwards. More broadly, the rule is that bodily sounds are not commented upon by bystanders. Which makes a lot of senses since it also applies e.g. to hiccups or sounds of well or not so well being.
Heh, my parents always used “Gesundheit” after a sneeze when we were growing up. That’s the one I stick to.
Some good ones on this list. I’ll expand on JoshDM’s comment about nudity to include the Playboy ideal of feminine beauty, the sort of impossible ideal that leads to anorexia, plastic surgery, extreme body hair removal, and near pedophilic desire for the attributes of youth. The advent of photoshop has just made things worse; where the sexual ideal is not merely incredibly rare, but literally unattainable.
excessive, ridiculous, over the top, so called “traditional” weddings. totally excruciating.
The hypocrisy of attitudes towards tobacco/alcohol vs. other recreational drugs.
I don’t even do any of them, and that shit still pisses me off. Someone wants to fry their brain, well, the ultimate freedom is that of taking consequences.
Plus it makes so much more sense to legalize, regulate, and tax something rather than let criminals control it.
@Funwithheadlines
Even if that were true, do greeting gestures really need a deeper reasoning behind them? I don’t know why this bugs you so much.
@Martin
I think that has more to do with making sure something’s working at all as opposed to making it work quicker.
@Bluejay
Boredom, maybe? May also have something to do with wanting to be first in the train.
So why does it bug you, then? You can’t force people to be sincere in their greetings.
When someone asks me, “How are you?” or “How’re you doing?” as a casual greeting, I start in with a full-on conversation because that’s exactly what they were expecting.
exchanging gifts 19 different times a year. bah, humbug.
also – partisans bitching about “partisan politics”. i mean, you disagree with the other party, right? great. now go. beat them.
This is a minor complaint – I dislike the habit of leaving the television on as background noise and/or always having headphones on when going out. I realize this is very old fashioned of me, but if I am doing something, all of my attention is focused on what I am doing, and I kind of enjoy those increasingly rare moments of silence. In my experience, people (even teens) who attempt to do many things at the same time, do them all poorly. I understand that in some cases, parents feel they have no choice due to the limitations of time, but many of the things that just have to be done, do not in fact have to be done.
Admittedly, I’m not a fan of television in general; however, if you’ve decided to watch something, watch it. If you decide that it isn’t worth your complete attention, don’t continue to do it half-assed, just stop and look for something more inspirational. This goes for television/movie watching, careers, classes at school, conversations, sex, listening to music, writing, gaming, reading, drawing, eating, even exercising. Of course, most of us can’t be passionate, creative, and intensely focused 24 hours a day, but shouldn’t life be more than a contest to see who can accumulate (and just as quickly discard) the most marginally diverting distractions?
So anyway, when I walk into a room and a television is on that no one is watching (I ask first), I turn it off. The ensuing quiet makes many people uncomfortable, but I don’t care. If someone wants to have a conversation with me, then we’re going to have a conversation. Sometimes it can be fun to give your lovelife (and life in general) a soundtrack, but I’ve found that people who truly find silence unbearable are often running away from something inside themselves that they’d rather not confront.. or they have an underdeveloped imagination… or they grew up in a large, boisterous family. In any case, even in today’s high tech, fast-paced, wireless world, I still believe (contrary to the opinions of most marketing firms) that a healthy, balanced life should include (not necessarily equal) measures of both sound and silence, periods of passion and periods of reflection.
@nate, all I ask is that there is a logical explanation for a custom that is still valid. I see no logical purpose for shaking hands that cannot be accomplished with a smile and a nod. Either you love them, in which case it’s a hug and a kiss, or it’s a friend or stranger, and that’s the smile and nod time.
Kvetching about otherwise harmless cultural practices while saying and/or doing nothing about the actual practices which inflict harm on people.
Great answer, amanohyo! I can’t believe someone gave you a negative vote for it.
Having kids be off school for holidays like Columbus Day, or Presidents Day. I think they should be in school learning about these people on those days, not at home wasting their day away playing video games or whatever.
I also cannot stand the whole “How are You?”, “Fine, how are you?” bullshit. I’m always tempted to give someone the REAL answer that you know they don’t want to hear.
I cannot stand the assumption that because I am male I am into sports. I have far better things to do with my time. Like watching Doctor Who or gardening.
; – )
The overabundance of alcohol at almost every single event that happens pretty much anywhere.
All sorts of events make a big deal out of having a Beer garden or a beer tent. I find this pathetic. If you can’t enjoy yourself without getting buzzed on cheap beer, you might want to take a long, hard look at your life.
I enjoy some wine once a week, but never to excess, or because I need it to have fun.
I’ll stop here. Maybe I’ll add some more tomorrow.
The belief that it is alright for males to go topless in public, but not women…especially when they seem to think everyone should see their spare tires, etc.
@Nate:
Because I think people should greet each other, and a greeting is better than no greeting, and a sincere greeting is better than an insincere one. There are options for those who want to acknowledge the presence of others without asking an empty question: “Hello,” or a smile and a nod, or a slight bow, or the namaste gesture, or “I see you” in Na’vi. In any case, it doesn’t “bug” me in the sense that I’m deeply offended; it’s just a pet peeve, not a moral outrage.
Oh yeah? Watch me.
*strains really hard*
By golly, you’re right!
;-)
ANY social rule which treats genders differently. Rules of clothing, etiquette, anything which says women have to behave one way and men another. That goes triple for anything to do with kids. Every time I hear someone say to my nieces or nephews “That’s for girls” or “Girls don’t do that” I want to smack them.
Gender roles need to die in a fire.
Sad to see the voting system already being abused as it is on so many other boards. Instead of voting up or down based on what is substantive, votes seem to be based on whether the person agrees or not. Disagree? Down vote! No wonder we live in a polarized society.
Well, I suspect anyone who truly cares how many positive votes he or she receives isn’t likely to post anything worth reading, anyway. I’d rather see someone posting what he or she honestly believes–even if it’s something I disagree with–than someone posting what he or she thinks we want to hear.
Or posting what he or she believes will receive the most positive votes.
And of course you can vote down a comment that sounds like someone pandering instead of making a witty and intelligent contribution to the discussion. :->
Oh yes, this horrifies me too. I can’t imagine holding a perfect new beautiful baby in your arms, and then the first thing you do is mutilate him. Barbaric practice.
I’m under the impression that historically, several odd (read: not necessarily barbaric; separate plates for keeping Kosher) traditions handed down through religious practice may have originated for health reasons and co-opted by religion.
I, for one, am glad I do not have to clean penal smegma.
Plus, I think it looks bigger.
Anything that has something to do with blaming/thanking some kind of supernatural power for unfortunate or happy events in our lives.
Also, I am against lying to children about things like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
Wearing ties.
I know it’s less important socially, but it bugs me that just because Croatian mercenaries wore neckerchiefs two hundred years ago and the locals found them cute, I’m supposed to half-strangle myself every morning.
Makeup. Why are women expected to paint their faces like clowns on a daily basis before they go out into the world? And why are women who wear the clean, natural face they were born with looked down on?
Guess this is a sub-gripe of your overall “treating genders differently” post, Froborr.
amanohyo wrote:
That’s you, and that’d fine. But for me, with many things, when I focus entirely on one thing, I get distracted and do worse at it than if I have multiple kinds of stimuli. Some things can’t occupy all my attention, and so if I don’t also occupy the rogue bits, my mind starts wandering and performance drops. Or sometimes, like when I’m talking to one or three people online, there’s still moments of nothing going on in the conversation that can be occupied. Or it is incapable of demanding all my attention all the time, so why not also fill in the other moments with something else I also enjoy, like music?
—
Personally, what bothers me the most is an uncritical, anti-critical, anti-intellectual, anti-reason social environment. I do believe that if society were to actually value honest education and critical discrimination and intelligence and the applications thereof, we’d be better off. And it’d cover a lot of other bases, too.
Circumcision does have one advantage, in that women whose long-term partners are circumsised have a much lower incidence of cervical cancer than those whose partners are not. Something to do with the collection of bacteria under the foreskin, apparently.
Amanohoyo, I agree entirely about the television. I watch maybe five hours of specifically chosen television per week; the rest of the time it’s off. My new housemate can’t be in the house without the television on, even if he’s in the other room or on his computer instead. We’ve had to come to a four days on/three days off agreement because the constant noise was driving me insane.
The thing that is becoming normal practise but that I really hate is talking on a mobile phone on the train, loudly. Or talking on a mobile phone whilst getting coffee and completely ignoring the person serving you – I want to forcibly hang up the calls of people who do that, it’s so disrespectful to the person serving them. Answering mobile phones no matter what the situation is so common now it’s unbelievable – someone I interviewed recently even answered a phone and started talking!! They were asked to leave.
And women could have their breasts chopped off at puberty to prevent breast cancer. Or we could cut off our fingers to save us the annoying habit of having to trim our fingernails regularly.
Or boys could just have a basic hygienic necessity taught to them, instead of their parents slicing off something that actually does serve a biological purpose. Or at least give boys a choice. Let’s ask them at puberty, Would you like to have your foreskin cut off? And see how many of them say yes. :->
That’s somewhat of an overreaction, MaryAnn. I’m not advocating circumcision, merely pointing out that it does have one advantage – even a properly and regularly washed penis with foreskin is going to harbour more bacteria than no foreskin.
Personally, I think it’s horrific, as well as people who pierce babies ears – I can’t imagine deliberately causing pain to a baby.
The practice in America of the worship of the green lawn. If your ground cover requires 1000 gallons of water a month to stay green, it is time to consider another ground cover. It is incredibly wasteful of resources. I put river rocks down in my front and back yard and have attractive nearly maintenance free yards.
I agree with textile, minus the river rock. Just put in more plants! Native plants. Drought tolerant plants. Go all English Cottage garden. That’s what I did, and it’s beautiful. Then again, I do it for a living, so your mileage may vary.
Still, stop watering the stupid lawn!
Personally, I absolutely despise the entitlement people express when it comes to the internet. Just because you have a picture of me doesn’t mean you have the right to post it to your Facebook/MySpace/Flickr/Website/etc!
Trying to keep my family (people who ostensibly should care what I have to say) from posting pictures of my infant son on the internet is a full time job. It shouldn’t be. It should be the norm that you ASK someone before putting their picture up on a public forum. Since my son is too young to ask, the default should be ‘No, you cannot put that on the internet.’
Who’s got 15 / 15 positive votes on a single post and two thumbs?
^= this guy =^
I think Political Correctness should be seen as the idiocy it is. All this apologetic cringing any time some idiot claims to be offended by some harmless phrase or word, such as ‘black’. I’ll call black people ‘african americans’ the same time I start calling white people ‘european americans’. The only genuine african american I know of is Obama: african immigrant father and american mother.
I’m adding a second. The overbreeding of animals, to the point where they can no longer look after themselves without human intervention, is disgusting.
Chihuahuas, Pekingnese, those long haired smoosh faced cats (Persians?) that go blind, can’t breathe and can’t even keep themselves clean (which is the most important part of being a cat, to the casual observer). German Shepherds with hip displasia, Dachshunds with paralysis, Quarter Horses with hoof problems because people keep breeding a heavy muscular horse with tiny frakking feet. Arab horses with back problems and mental problems. It all makes me extremely angry.
Women giving up their last names at marriage.
“That’s somewhat of an overreaction, MaryAnn. I’m not advocating circumcision, merely pointing out that it does have one advantage – even a properly and regularly washed penis with foreskin is going to harbour more bacteria than no foreskin.”
We harbor bacteria in the billions, every day. That’s how your stomach and intestine work. That’s how your mouth keeps “working” as it should and is a naturally good environment for bacteria (its damp, dark and alive). Saliva is made up in a high % of bacteria. That’s what makes our noses good filters for dust and other undesirables.
That’s what those yogurts advertise. Billions of bacteria to help you digest better, supposedly. They only advertise to women though, men must have abnormally good digestive systems never needing outside help.
I’m a woman, who was born with a penis. It’s uncut, and unsurgeried for the time being. I’ve had passes in my life of heavy depression. The kind that makes you barely survive instead of live. The kind that makes you say “Hygiene, what for?” where you take a bath every 2 weeks and don’t wash in-between…and well, never had a single problem, ever.
So I don’t see how cutting it is any helpful, ever. Also, neat fact: The foreskin should not be moved until about puberty, never be forced, and yeah, it can be “unmoveable” until 10-12 years old and be totally normal (not cause for circumcision). And no, it won’t accumulate bacteria…it self-regulates (just like hair unclogged with products does – and yes, I regularly go 3 weeks with no hair washing with no issue whatsoever – including in cleanliness, looks, shinyness and smell). Also if you know many 10 years old who regularly have intercourse, you know pretty weird parents.
Completely agree that infant circumcision is barbaric, but for a rather more trivial bit of bafflement: when you’re on a plane, and it lands, you know you can’t get off until the plane has stopped where it’s supposed to, they’ve got the steps in place and opened the door, and that’ll probably take five or ten minutes. But 90% of the passengers immediately stand up and get their bags out of the lockers, and then stand in a line in aisle for five or ten minutes. Makes no sense to me.
Things I agreed with:
-The puzzling saying of ‘God bless you’
-Saying ‘No problem’ instead of ‘You’re welcome’ [an inappropriate response to someone’s expression of gratitude]
-Guady, expensive weddings to which I would add the nonsense of gaudy, expensive prom nights
-Televisions playing just so there can be noise in the room
I add my own self-acknowleged silly pet peeve: the unspoken but evident rule that you absolutely must surround your items on the conveyor belt at the cash register between those plastic dividers. Years ago they were quite uncommon in stores and we did fine without them; everyone just kept track of their own items and mentioned when it was necessary what was theirs and what wasn’t. Now I find that even if my items are at the front of the belt with three feet of empty space behind them and there’s is no doubt where my purchase ends and I’ll probably be out the door before the next items roll up to the cashier, someone always comes up behind me and will not even put their items on the belt until they’ve put on one of the dividers. The apparent hardship of even rarely having to say ‘that’s not mine’ is one I have little sympathy for as it seems characteristic of how increasingly willing we are to label trivialities as a hardship or offensive.
The assumption that economics is a science and that economists are anything more than soothsayers.
Proper Dave, speaking as an economist, I’d have to argue that there is the core of a science in there – but, like literary criticism, there’s also a great deal of cult of personality, and a lot of people who will take government money to say what the government wants them to say.