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This is Bourne fan fiction. But it’s the rare sort of good fanfic: utterly inconsequential, of course, but a whole lotta fun. It’s a turn-your-brain-off popcorn flick for people who don’t like to turn our brains off just because we’re at The Movies.
What this dumb movie wants you to find absolutely hilarious is random 80s action heroes — this flick is lousy with ’em — now puffy with age and sporting embarrasingly bad dye jobs popping up in deus ex actioner situations…
A subtle and striking globehopping ensemble drama of human interactions shaped by sex and love, honesty and deception, allure and retreat.
The heightened emotions and outrageous urgency of rom-coms are actually appropriate here. All the absurdities that define the genre — not accidentally but deliberately — suddenly work in its favor.
It’s movies like this one that make me despair. Because it is going to make a bazillion bucks at the box office around the world, and there’s absolute nothing here that warrants such success.
I sympathize with the film’s attitudes about the decline of American civilization, and yet I still cannot get behind this tedious soapbox of a movie…
This movie hasn’t been any good the thousand other times you’ve seen it, and it’s no good now, either.
It’s still a not very good movie. But… it’s still Star Wars.
I’m starting to wonder, truly and sincerely, if David Gordon Green is suffering from one of those brain tumors that radically alters one’s personality…
There’s a lot of fight in Haywire, but very little punch — it starts to feel very grim and plodding…
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