More plot holes than plot, this overly convoluted, deeply stupid Fast and Furious wannabe is crammed with clichés and memorable only when it’s laughable.
I’m so excited cuz it’s like Taylor Lautner made a movie just for Team Jacob! Except he’s not a werewolf or anything silly or fantasy like that — he’s a real teenager with real problems. Like being the secret child of top international spies.
I approached my parked car after the screening, I found myself wishing it was something a little zippier than a poky little Saturn, and boy I bet a Saturn would be pretty cool tricked out for street racing. And as I drove home, I found myself wondering if those buttons on either side of the steering wheel would ignite the tanks of nitrous oxide under the backseat. (No — they were still for the horn.)