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The Meg movie review: shark lark

Jason Statham versus a giant prehistoric shark. It’s never less — yet also never more — than you expect, and never more suspenseful or scary than it is cheesy. But whatev. Go, and enjoy.

Battleship (review)

Pretty much the dullest alien invasion movie ever, featuring an uninteresting incursion by nondescript aliens doing boring things and not even blowing shit up in exciting new ways.

Red (review)

Of all the washed-up washed-out over-the-hill too-old-for-this-shit action-hero movies we’ve had thrown at us this year — The A-Team, The Losers, The ExpendablesRed is by far the most amusing, the most clever, the most tongue-in-cheek, the most fun (and I say that as someone who mostly liked those other movies).

Whiteout (review)

What’s a nice U.S. marshal like Carrie Stetko doing in a place like Antarctica? Freezing her ass off. *cue rimshot*