The Whole Ten Yards (review)

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I guess the idea is that if a hitman nicknamed “The Tulip” is (theoretically) amusing, then a retired hitman nicknamed “The Tulip” who’s gone domestic and loves vacuuming the house in bunny slippers must be (at least theoretically) downright freakin’ hilarious. Would that it were so. Even more tedious than its predecessor, this mob “comedy” tries desperately to induce laughter via unclever pratfalls, the impugning of male sexual security via implied homosexuality, hopelessly confused double- and triple-crosses, and Bruce Willis (Tears of the Sun), as “The Tulip,” blubbing like a little girl with disturbing regularity. With a level of anti-chemistry that approaches the supernatural, the cast — including the painfully unfunny Matthew Perry (Disney’s The Kid), whose fame remains one of the great Hollywood mysteries — looks desperately miserable, as if they know precisely how forced and uncomfortable the proceedings are. All except Perry, that is, who’s so in love with himself he seems to think that his own running into doorjambs, tripping over himself, and knocking over noisy metallic props constitutes the height of comedic genius. He must never have seen the Three Stooges in action.

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