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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

say what? 2007: ‘The Perfect Holiday’ quote

It had to be done: all in one place, the very best bad dialogue of the year 2007. No ranking — newer quotes are posted at the top. [Warning: May contain spoilers.]

“All my life I’ve been looking for two things: true love and my big break.”
–Benjamin Armstrong (Morris Chestnut), The Perfect Holiday
“When I’m through with the humans, people won’t be able to say ‘Honey, I’m home,’ without paying a royalty.”
–Barry B. Benson (the voice of Jerry Seinfeld), Bee Movie

“I’m sorry for killing the biosphere.”
–Barry B. Benson (the voice of Jerry Seinfeld), Bee Movie

“That cold ain’t the weather — that’s death approaching.”
–The Stranger (Ben Foster), 30 Days of Night

“Maggie, your temper brings shame to my Happy Mu Shu Palace.”
–Master Wong (James Hong), Balls of Fury

“Never hug a man with a million bucks worth of hardware up his crack.”
–Randy (Dan Folger), Balls of Fury

“Randy, I’m trying to sacrifice my life for our love. Stop being such a dick.”
–Maggie (Maggie Q), Balls of Fury

“I’m not saying that kiss was hot, but if the boner police are here, I’d need a lawyer.”
–AM radio deejay (Chris Parnell), Hot Rod

“Never sneak up on a man who’s been in a chemical fire.”
–Frank Powell (Ian McShane), Hot Rod

“People get cut — that’s life.”
–Dakota Moss (Lindsay Lohan), I Know Who Killed Me

“Why are you destroying our planet?”
–Sue Storm (Jessica Alba), to the Silver Surfer, Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

“The hunger has returned to Mr. Brooks’ brain. It never really left.”
–title card, Mr. Brooks

“I’ve always wanted to fuckin’ kill someone who fucked with me in traffic.”
–Mr. Smith (Dane Cook), Mr. Brooks

“She walked in smelling like mashed potatoes, and every guy wanted to be the gravy.”
–Luther Pinks (LL Cool J), Slow Burn

“Let’s get out of here before the final three plagues arrive.”
–Ben (Idris Elba), The Reaping

“We cannot return to the surface to fight evil if we continue to fight each other!”
–Master Splinter (the voice of Mako), TMNT

“By the time our brother discoveries this turtle is not the 13th monster, it will already be too late!”
–bad guy, TMNT

“Hannibal, you do not honor the human pecking order. You’re always hurting the bullies.”
–grownup scolding the young psychopath, Hannibal Rising

“The butcher was like butter.”
–Hannibal Lecter (Gaspard Ulliel), Hannibal Rising

“You’re not a geek, you’re a lot of fun.”
–Maggie (Marisa Tomei) to Dudley (William H. Macy), Wild Hogs

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year in review
  • Oh MaryAnn…

    How could you have left off the greatest bad line of this or any other year:

    “In the village where I come from, a ventriloquist’s dummy is considered an ill omen.”
    – Jamie Ashton (Ryan Kwanten), *Dead Silence*

    I weep with joy whenever I hear it…

  • David C

    Oh, that one is a delight, Rob! Part of me wants to know what context possibly could produce such a line, but I think it’s ultimately improved by mystery.

    “Let’s get out of here before the final three plagues arrive” is a sentence that may well become part of my everyday speech.

  • MaryAnn

    That is indeed a great line, Rob, but I didn’t see *Dead Silence,* so that’s the first time I’ve heard it.

    I can’t see everything. I wish I could. I look forward to the day when I can’t. It ain’t here yet.

  • Well, you took that *Firehouse Dog* bullet for the team, so I can’t grouse too loudly. I may be off slightly on the line’s exact phrasing. I only heard it the once, and I’m not willing to give more money to the perpetrators of *Dead Silence* to confirm it.

    Still, it’s a hoot. The best part? After the character delivers that line, he lets the dummy ride shotgun in his car for the rest of the film. You know, as one does with any ominous portent.

    Your dream of seeing every movie is a beautiful one, BTW. Someday…

  • MBI

    “I know that your maverick attitude has always been a source of contention for this team.”
    –Donatello, TMNT

    Yeah. That’s what I came to a Ninja Turtles movie for.

  • Stephanie

    David: that I needed to use that quote in every day speech was actually my first thought on reading that; ‘Let’s get out of here before the final three plagues arrive,’ blows ‘lets blow this popstand,’ right out of the water, regardless of the rest of the movie ;-)

  • That >Reaping quote is indeed gold. TMNT was absolutely hysterical though. I was laughing uncontrollably from about 30 seconds in.

  • Grant

    I’d just pick any line spoken by Optimus Prime. Like, “Sam Witwicky, you hold the key to your planet’s survival.” Or even just, “Autobots… Roll out.”
    Why? Cause Peter Cullen just sounds sooooo old and tired and “Why the hell am I doing this crap again?”. Maybe he’s been voicing Eyore for too long. >.

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