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maryann johanson | self-isolating

daily list: 5 products of Hollywood that are pure fiction

Newsflash! Experts say Indiana Jones is pure fiction!

It’s true! I mean, it’s true that it’s false! Or something. CNN.com tells all:

Though he preaches research and good science in the classroom, the world’s most famous archaeologist often is an acquisitive tomb raider in the field with a scorched-earth policy about what he leaves behind. While actual archaeologists like the guy and his movies, they wouldn’t necessarily want to work alongside him on a dig.

Indy’s bull-in-a-china-shop approach to archaeology will be on display again May 22 with “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,” in which he’s sure to rain destruction down on more historic sites and priceless artifacts.

Real experts in antiquities acknowledge that the movies are pure fiction that present archaeology as blockbuster adventure, yet they cannot help but cringe at the way Indy manhandles the ancient world.

“There are codes of ethics in archaeology, and I don’t think he would be a member. Not in good standing, anyway,” said Mark Rose, online editorial director for the Archaeological Institute of America.

Well, duh! My favorite quote in the piece comes from Paul Zimansky, an archaeology professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, who says: “I wish he’d take more notes and things. What’s his publication record?” Awesome.

Soon we’ll be learning of all sorts of other things coming out of Hollywood that are entirely invented. Such as:
1. Iron Man. Have you ever met an engineering nerd as hot or as cool as Robert Downey Jr.? Thought not.

2. Ashton Kutcher. He’s an animatron produced by a secret lab in Japan.

3. All the “hype” around Battlestar Galactica. No one’s actually watching the show, and all the chatter online about it is produced by Cylon infiltrator bots.

4. American Idol. It’s all done with CGI.

5. Shark Week on the Discovery Channel. Sharks actually went extinct in 1987, along with whales and frogs.

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