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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

daily list: 5 great actors to play the new Sherlock Holmes

Guy Ritchie will write and direct a new film about the world’s first consulting detective, Victorian supersleuth Sherlock Holmes. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the story

takes its cues from a forthcoming comic that [producer Lionel] Wigram wrote as a selling tool for a new take on the classic Sir Arthur Conan Doyle character. The concept sees the character be more adventuresome and less stuffy than previous screen incarnations and mines on more obscure character traits.

Which suggests to me lots of shooting up of cocaine, late-night violin jam sessions, and over-the-top woman-hating.

Which brings us to the inevitable question: Who could possibly play a new Sherlock Holmes? Naturally, I’ve got a few ideas:
1. David Tennant. Give him John Simm as Professor Moriarty, lots of running around to do, and a few chances to say things like, “It’s elementary, my dear Watson– well, it’s a little tougher than that– well, you’d pretty much have to be brilliant old me to figure it out” and we’re set.

2. Ewan McGregor. Call it Trainspotting at Kings Cross Where We’ll Catch the 12:15 to Brighton and give him a needle and he’ll always come up with the seven-percent solution.

3. John Barrowman. Give him Ianto Jones (ie, actor Gareth David-Lloyd) as Watson, and they don’t need no stinkin’ women. With Eve Myles as Mrs. Hudson, of course.

4. Colin Farrell. And watch him smash violins around Victorian hotel rooms. Cuz that would be awesome.

5. Eddie Izzard. Tea in the parlor, or death? Plus, discover a really obscure character trait even Watson never knew about: crossdressing.

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