I’m not going to San Diego Comic Con this week. I wish I was. One of these years, I will get there.
And I wouldn’t be alone, of course: it’s been a long time since fandom and geekness has been a primarily male domain (if it ever was). But you’d hardly know that from the way some mainstream press — and some fan press that should know better — go on and on about girls and geekery.
Annalee Newitz at io9 has rounded up some of the pants-wetting misogyny the Web has been barfing up in anticipation of this year’s Comic Con… like the complaint from /Film’s Peter Sciretta, who is worried that Twilight fanatics will ruin everything for the “normal people” who just want to masturbate to James Cameron’s Avatar CGI. (The name of his post is “Will Twilight Ruin This Year’s Comic-Con?” Because, you know, stuff like vampires and werewolves do not belong at Comic Con, nor do the desperate fans who worship them. Comic Con has always been a dignified and sophisticated event attended by reserved and cultured aristocrats. It’s practically like a gentlemen’s club, with leather armchairs and cigar-smoking and 50-year-old scotch after dinner.)
Newitz also points out the “terrifyingly awful article” in the Los Angeles Times recently that was all about fooling stupid chicks into attending Comic Con by — as Newitz accurately describes the tone of the Times piece — “dangling hunky actors in front of them. Because of course, women don’t like movies. Or comics. Or TV. Or videogames. They just like cute boys.” And, oh man, there really is some choice girl-scorn on display. Some of my favorites:
‘Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time’
Women will be rushing the stage, offering to do star Jake Gyllenhaal’s laundry on those washboard abs that he acquired for the film
See, that’s how girls would react, because we just LOVE doing laundry! It’s how we show a man we find him sexually attractive, usually.
Thank God the Times didn’t try to sex up Buzz Lightyear and, er, Woody.
‘Time Traveler’s Wife’
Picture the wonderful sappiness of “The Notebook,” replace Ryan Gosling with equally appealing Eric Bana, and inject a different hapless conflict to keep him from Rachel McAdams. In this case, Bana’s character’s got a gene that causes him to leap through time without the wife. Oh yes, bring on the bittersweet tears.
And don’t worry your pretty little heads, ladies, about physics and molecules and stuff: there’s none of that nerdy boy science stuff in this time-travel story!
Alex O’Loughlin for ‘Whiteout’
What more do you need than the hunkiest Aussie to ever play the undead … alive and in the flesh? And as long as he uses his real accent, he can talk all about this murder mystery set in Antarctica. Male lead Gabriel Macht isn’t too shabby either.
Serious film fans will surely delve into comparisons with that other deep-cold horror flick The Thing— OMG CUTE BOYZ!
Vampire-lovers have it all wrong. Werewolves can keep you warm, sympathize with your monthly curse, sniff out where you lost your keys and not thirst for your sweet, sweet blood.
Monthly curse? What the fuck: is this the Times from 1863?
It just occurred to me: I hope Comic Con is gonna spray the room for cooties after that New Moon panel that has Peter Sciretta’s panties in a twist, because some of the girls in there might have been menstruating all over the seats.
‘The Big Bang Theory’
Look around you: Everywhere in the entertainment world, the geek is getting the girl.
Because the geek never is the girl, naturally.
The ladies who recall the ’80s miniseries this is based on will be hoping for a repeat of that forbidden reptilian allure, the ultimate in star-crossed lovers.
Oh yeah, that’s totally what I remember from the 1980s V: sighing over the interspecies romance. Kee-rist, even back then, when I was, like, 12, I wondered how the fuck any girl, no matter how inexperienced, could not notice that the guy she was having sex with was all green and scaly down there.
‘Caprica,’ sci-fi for girls and guys
“Battlestar Galactica” taught us that there are girls galore watching sci-fi.
Okay, I’m storming the Times and taking hostages. Who’s with me?
Channing Tatum in ‘G.I. Joe’
People may pooh-pooh dance flicks, but not when Channing Tatum, former underwear model, is in them. And some girls may steer clear of high-testosterone action films, but the same applies. There’s also Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Dennis Quaid and some others, but it’s Tatum as Duke that may be the girl-draw.
What? Ugh! *barf* No mention of Christopher Eccleston at all? The Times pretends it understands teh gurlz, and misses the one guy who will make this movie tolerable?
‘Dollhouse’/’Chuck’/Girls who kick butt!
Girls that can kill you with a quick chop to the throat should always be applauded.
Oh, don’t tempt me, dude. Do. Not. Tempt. Me.