WTF?: Twitter feed to become TV show; apocalypse edges nearer

Supposedly, 29-year-old Justin Halpern recently moved back in with his parents, and has been tweeting the “wisdom” of his 73-year-old father at shitmydadsays. Sometimes his father says things that are mildly amusing, such as:

“The baby will talk when he talks, relax. It ain’t like he knows the cure for cancer and he just ain’t spitting it out.”

Sometimes he says things that are depressing but observant:

“I’m sitting in one of those TGI Friday’s places, and everyone looks like they want to shove a shotgun in their mouth.”

Mostly, Dad says a lot of things that involve feces — the “shit” is apparently not metaphoric — or sexist in an Archie Bunker way that may have been hilarious and pointed in the 1970s but doesn’t really work in that way today:

“If mom calls, tell her I’m shitting… Son, marriage is about not having to lie about taking a shit.”

“Don’t listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son.”

“When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot.”

“Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices… Jesus, Joni (my mom) it’s a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn’t even real dammit!”

Now, according to The Live Feed, the tweets have been picked up as a TV show:

“Will & Grace” creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick are on board to executive produce and supervise the writing for the multicamera family comedy, which Halpern will co-pen with Patrick Schumacker. Halpern and Schumacker will also co-exec produce the Warner Bros. TV-produced project, which has received a script commitment.

The comedy’s title will change if it gets on the air.

No shit, the title will change. Oh, look: I swore. Can I get my TV deal now?

As of this writing, Halpern has posted only 73 tweets. How any of this is the basis for anything other than, maybe, a scatologically little gift book of old-fart humor — and yes, last month Harper Collins acquired it for a book — is beyond me. What’s that? A living-room sitcom with a cantankerous old man at the center? Yeah, that’s original.

I’m ready to believe that Halpern isn’t making the whole thing up, actually, though whether he is or not, this shit his dad said is spot-on:

“Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.”

There’s the key to Hollywood success these days: Don’t work hard. Don’t create anything smart or clever or original. Just take some of the same old shit and post it on Twitter.

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Wed, Nov 11, 2009 5:21pm

Ooh, my dog tweets! Wonder how many times she has to swear to get a book deal? I don’t think she’s enough of a misogynist to get a tv one though.

Count Shrimpula
Wed, Nov 11, 2009 5:27pm

Yeah. To be fair, the twitter feed is pretty funny. I quite like, “Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don’t realize until later that it’s because it fucked you.”

But it is crazy it got picked up for a TV show. I think it’s a bit unfair to blame Halpern and call him lazy, though. I can’t imagine he started the twitter feed thinking it’d be a good way to get a book and TV show. But I can’t blame him for taking the deals when they came along. He’d be stupid not to.

Wed, Nov 11, 2009 7:03pm

No, I can’t blame the guy with the twitter feed and the amusing dad. It’s all about the TV executives and their, um… Well I can’t think of anything more to say that isn’t graphic and obscene, which I’m normally all about, but here it would just seem contrived. No wait, here we go: They’re stupid, lazy, and unimaginative, but worse is they think even worse of their audience.

Wed, Nov 11, 2009 7:16pm

Stuff like this makes me want to put a shotgun in my mouth. I bust my ass writing for years and this guy writes 73 damn posts on the computer pretending to be a potty mouthed Maverick (“My papa used to say”) and he’s getting a TV show and a book.

Wed, Nov 11, 2009 9:27pm

I bust my ass writing for years and this guy writes 73 damn posts on the computer pretending to be a potty mouthed Maverick (“My papa used to say”) and he’s getting a TV show and a book.

I was gonna say that same thing, but I figured it would sound like sour grapes…

Tonio Kruger
Thu, Nov 12, 2009 1:27am

And, of course, five years from that, that show is going to seem as memorable as all those frat-house sitcoms that came out in the late 1970s.

What? You don’t remember those shows?

That’s exactly my point.

Anyway, Tonio Kruger thinks that all this fuss about Twitter is much ado about–oh, never mind…

Tonio Kruger
Thu, Nov 12, 2009 1:29am

I was gonna say that same thing, but I figured it would sound like sour grapes…

But on the up side, that same statement would imply you were a fox…

Thu, Nov 12, 2009 10:43am

Will anyone be honest and just say ‘I wish I’d done that’?

Thu, Nov 12, 2009 4:51pm

No, I don’t wish to be a derivative, bite-sized twitter cashing checks because he literally knows “shit.” I want to be a successful writer. I doubt this guy is going to do any writing for the TV show, at least. The company will probably pay him royalties and have their staff writers handle the actual show.