the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Sex Trek – Welcome To The Starship Intercourse’

A brief list of all the Star Trek phrases, terms, and dialogue that are funnier if you think like a horny 12-year-old boy or a hornier 27-year-old fan-fiction-writing girl… no pornification required!

captain’s log
beam me up
where no man has gone before
wormhole
resistance is futile
“Damn it, Jim!”
engage
fully functional
phasers on stun
assimilate this
“I am not a merry man!”
line of duty
“Please state the nature of the medical emergency.”
“These are people, not robots.”
“This is a military vessel, not a pleasure craft.”
“That’s justice, not malevolence.”
“They’re Klingons, not kittens.”
“You’re a doctor, not a first-contact specialist.”
warp factor 10

Feel free to add your own: it’s fun!

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C David Dent
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 10:48am

“Damnit Jim, I’m a Doctor not a Prostitute!”

Kenny
Kenny
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 10:53am

Haha… I think the cover might not be appropriate, given that all the sexual tension in the original series was between Spock Kirk and McCoy.

Kenny
Kenny
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 10:55am

Also, dammit! Silver bikinis do not equal alien sex idols. A horny 12 year old really could do better.

pjowens75
pjowens75
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 11:35am

How could you leave out Scotty’s famous “But, Captain, I’m giving her all she’s got!”

Drave
Drave
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 11:40am

Ever heard the Sexy Data Tango? It’s about the Next Generation episode where Data gets laid, and it has some of the dirtiest technobabble you’ll ever hear.

nerdycellist
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 11:40am

I think Voltaire (not that Voltaire) gathered all the sophomoric dirty ST imagery together in his seminal “Sexy Data Tango”.

Fully functional and anatomically correct, indeed.

MaryAnn
MaryAnn
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 11:43am

“Damnit Jim, I’m a Doctor not a Prostitute!”

What episode was that in? :->

Orangutan
Orangutan
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 3:50pm

You all might find this amusing, then: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReOw_2f4lpY

I think Voltaire (not that Voltaire) gathered all the sophomoric dirty ST imagery together in his seminal “Sexy Data Tango”.

Fully functional and anatomically correct, indeed.

I love that song, and am compelled to post it here so others may enjoy it. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DYrlt3CyaE

PaulW
PaulW
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 3:56pm

What about that Risian statue that you put on display to ahem attract attention?

Tonio Kruger
Tonio Kruger
Tue, Dec 08, 2009 9:47pm

Silver bikinis do not equal alien sex idols.

At the very least they have to be gold…

Kenny
Kenny
Wed, Dec 09, 2009 9:30am

Or yellow with a bit of glitter if you’re on a budget.