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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

‘Lost’ blogging: “The Substitute”

(previous: “What Kate Does”)

There’s no way to “review” or “analyze” or even “discuss” this show on an episode-by-episode basis — it’s more like you just have to react and try to guess what the hell is going on. So I’m not even gonna try to impose any sense or reason upon it: I’m just going to react. Maybe when it’s all said and done there will be something cohesive to say. Till then…

Perhaps needless to say, Lost doesn’t make much sense while you’re watching it. My ramblings will surely make even less sense if you haven’t seen the episode… and something may get spoiled for you that you don’t want spoiled. You have been warned.

So, here are the thoughts I jotted down, pretty much in order as they occurred to me as I watched:
Oh noes! Poor Locke, stuck on his van wheelchair lift! And Locke has a ladyfriend? Whoa! What happened to the version of her that exists in the universe where Locke did crash on the island?

And now Locke is the smoke monster. Right. I’m so confused…

Well, if you’re gonna lie to your boss about going to the conference in Australia, you have to expect to get fired.

So Richard’s been getting jerked around by Jacob. Boo-hoo. I still wanna know: Who the hell is Jacob, anyway? And what the hell is he recruiting candidates for? For more ageless minions like Richard? Is it like a pyramid scheme: minions find more minions, and so on, and so on?

Sawyer’s a drunk. Gosh, he’s even cute as a drunk lying around the house in dirty underwear.

Har: “I don’t give a damn if you’re dead or time-travelin’ or the Ghost of Christmas Past…”–Sawyer, to Locke

Wha–? Hugo owns the company that just fired Locke? Rose works for Hugo too? Ben works in the school Locke ends up subbing at. Everyone keeps running into one another. It’s like they are all one another’s density.

Who is the blond kid? It’s young Sawyer, I’m thinking, time-traveling or something… (Though Sawyer would probably recognize himself, wouldn’t he? Though at this point with this series, who the fuck knows anymore.)

Okay, Sawyer and Locke climbing down the ladder at the cliff made me realize that Lost is so totally Zork:

You are standing in a hole in a cliff. Locke is here. There are some rocks on a scale.

Now it all makes sense. For one, the smoke monster is clearly a grue.

Names (and numbers) written on the wall of a cave? How very Plato, or something…

(Watch full episodes at ABC’s official site for the show.)

(next: “Lighthouse”)


MPAA: rated TV14-V

viewed at home on a small screen

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