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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Patti Stanger: Married in a Year’

This might be the saddest thing I’ve ever read:

You too can find true love. Just ask the thousands of happy couples brought together by Patti Stanger, CEO of the Millionaire’s Club matchmaking service and star of Bravo’s hit TV series “Millionaire Matchmaker.” Now Patti can help your marriage dreams come true with Married in a Year – her proven, easy-to-follow 12-month action plan for finding love. With her expert knowledge and upbeat, no-nonsense approach, Patti will motivate and guide you through all the stages, including:

~~Dating Detox: Take a break to focus on yourself and identify what you want out of life

~~Meeting Your Match: Put yourself out there and attract men who want to get married

~~10 Commandments of Dating: Rules for the first date and beyond

~~Red Flags: When and how to move on from a losing relationship

~~Negotiating the Ring: Sealing the deal within a year!

“Sealing the deal”? How romantic!

Ugh. How do you schedule getting married? I mean, I can understand scheduling a wedding, once you’ve met someone you can’t live without. But how do you schedule meeting someone you can’t live without?

You can’t, of course. All you can do is schedule meeting someone you might just barely be able to tolerate for the next 10, 20, or 50 years.

No, wait: that sounds impossible, too.

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