the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘The Last Lovecraft: Relic of Cthulhu’

Nerds save the world! How charming:

Jeff, a down on his luck office worker finds out he is the last living relative of horror novelist H.P. Lovecraft. What he doesn’t know is that Lovecraft’s monsters are real and will soon threaten the very existence of mankind. Jeff and his best friend Charlie are forced to embark on a perilous adventure and they enlist the help of high school acquaintance, Paul, a self proclaimed Lovecraft specialist. Together the three unlikely heroes must protect an alien relic and prevent the release of an ancient evil, known as Cthulhu.

I wish nerd girls had the confidence to make films about themselves that basically say, Yes, I’m a lazy layabout slob, but that doesn’t mean I can’t embark upon perilous adventures and fight evil monster-deities, too. In fact, my nerdery is the very quality about me that will enable me to save the world. But girls never make movies like that.

According to Fangoria, this is supposedly a “horror/comedy.” The exclusive clip you can watch over there makes it look neither scary nor funny. Oh, this is funny, though. An unattributed quote on an ad for the movie on that Fangoria page says the movie offers “laughs and scares in equal measure.” But that’s not necessarily a good thing. Zero laughs is indeed equal to zero scares.

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