the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘America’s Cutest Dog’

This is wrong on so many levels I barely know where to begin. I’ll try to contain my rage as I count the ways:

• It’s unnecessarily divisive. Everyone knows that dogs are like babies: your own is always the cutest. What purpose is served in getting strangers riled up arguing over whether this fluffball is more adorable than that flopears? The world is angry enough as it is. We need things to bring us together, not tear us apart.

• It’s dangerous. If all dogs are cute, then that perforce means that this DVD is full of more tail-wagging, tongue-lolling, and puppyish romping than is generally recommended for most members of the general public, even those in good health. For children, the elderly, and those with compromised immune systems, cute overload is a serious threat.

• It’s irresponsible. With the American public more susceptible than ever to PR, spin, marketing, and propaganda, it’s easy to see that many viewers will come away from this DVD with the perilous notion that there is only one single cutest American dog. This could lead to the mass abandonment of less cute dogs, overwhelming our already underfunded shelter system. Won’t someone think of the dogs?

This DVD really is a disgrace, and I urge all right-thinking Americans and animal lovers everywhere to avoid it entirely.

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