How much of your recommended daily allowance of goo do Aliens and Ghostbusters supply? Precisely how overloaded with sap and sentiment are Nicholas Sparks movies? Would it be helpful to know the cumulative TNT-equivalent of a single film’s explosions?
If movies came with nutrition labels, what would they say? And do you want to know just how bad (or good) a movie is for your mind and soul before you consume it, or would you rather not know?
(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)
They should at least include a mention of moral fibre.
Caution: contains glurge. Not safe for diabetics.
Provides less than 1% of your RDA of developed characters.
(If I didn’t want to know, I wouldn’t read the reviews…)
I’d imagine most movies at the mulitiplex would contain mainly elements that are the equivalent of the unpronounceable 4-5 syllable chemicals that have lots of “x”‘s and “z”‘s in their names.
Ron Howard movies should come with a warning for high sacharine content.
Sex and the City: The Movie 2
Serving Size: 130 minutes PLUS
Amount per serving
Expensive furniture pieces 1034
Pairs of shoes 1,000,004
Conversations about men 2,030
Foreigners used for privileged white epiphanies 12
Vicious, misogynistic reactions from filmgoers attacking the actresses instead of the insipid, shrill characters 2,034,761
Number of material possessions that have no chance of existing in real life (that fucking airplane, are you serious?) and that reduce the ungodly two hours to a blatant consumerist fantasy: ERROR! AMOUNT PENDING!
Manufactured in a culture that may process sexism, racism, and homophobia. May contain traces of juvenile humor.
So… could come from anywhere, then.