Via Facebook, the source of much modern pop philosophy:
If you came with a warning label, what would it say?
Mine would probably say, “Warning: May cause irritation.”
Oh, and feel free to tell me what other warning labels I need.
(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD/QOTW, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTW sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)
“Use at your own risk.”
I would have a Prop 65 notice that states that I am known by the state of California to cause cancer.
Warning: Always Sober. Never Sane.
Warning: Contents under pressure.
Warning: Explodes on contact with stupidity.
Warning: Religious? Republican? Don’t bother.
No Smoking, This Vehicle Carries Explosives.
High Voltage, Faraday Suits Required
In Case of Emergency, Provide Foot Massage
In case of Rapture, this vehicle will be unoccupied. ;-)
Worrywart: drinking may cause repeated checks of door to make sure you locked it, of your bag/purse to make sure you didn’t forget anything, and of the news to verify your sense of impending doom.
Antidote: watching the Daily Show/Colbert Report, reading Flickfilosopher, and writing escapist fantasy. Side effects include irony and strange looks from friends.
for maryann: Warning: Contents Under Pressure
for me: Warning: Adult Language, Adult Situations, Some Violence
Adverse side effects can occur when combined with alcohol or religion
If beef or pork is consumed, induce vomiting
Sports and television may cause drowsiness
Store in a cool dry library
Caution: Keep out of direct sunlight.
Warning: Prolonged exposure to remakes of already good movies may cause explosion.
Keep out of reach of children.
Some disclaimers:
(Back in my old college dorm)
– Not Pre-Med
– Plastic Bag with Chinese Food in My Hand May Not Be a Delivery for Someone Else
(When walking around Chinatown)
– Does Not Speak Chinese
(Standing in the grocery checkout line)
– May Not Be the Next Customer, But Instead Married to Differently-Ethnic Customer in Front of Me
(When in church with extended family)
– May Not Be A Believer, But Just Trying to Be Polite
(When at a formal event with mostly white folks)
– Not Part of the Staff
(When discussing music)
– Intelligent Conversation About Sophisticated Shared Tastes May Not Preclude Secret Fondness for Neil Diamond
(In general)
– Warning: Unlikely to Fit Any Casual Assumptions
Medi-Alert Bracelet: Allergic to Stupidity.
Oh, we could all use some of these:
– Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Ethnic Jokes
– Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Comments About Illegal Aliens
– Just Because I Don’t Look Mexican Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Have Relatives Who Do Look Mexican–And a Lot of Them Are Cops
– The Color of My Skin Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Views on Black Welfare Recipients
– Just Because I’m Not Carrying a Cross, a Bible or a Rosary Right Now Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Religious Propaganda
– As Far as You Know, I May Already Know the Lord
– Just Because I Don’t Look Polish Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Polish Jokes
– You Don’t Stare at My Date and I Won’t Stare at Yours
– Just Because I Look Straight Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Gay Jokes
– Just Because I Don’t Look Straight Doesn’t Mean I Want to Hear Your Gay Jokes
– If It’s Not Worth Your Trouble to Wait On Me, Then It’s Not Worth My Trouble To Patronize Your Place of Business
Warning: You WILL be judged.
Warning: Wearer is daydreaming about doing anything but listening to your nonsense.
Warning: I like my plants more than you.
Warning: Mentioning your religion will result in sudden disinterest in anything you have to say.
Warning: Wearer thinks your music sucks and should be banned from the planet.
Premenstral: Step away from that Mars bar and no one gets hurt.
Warning: can’t spell when premenstrual.