Beast (2022) movie review: he fights the lion
Idris Elba fights a lion. This is what we are promised and this is what we get. The purity is sort of beautiful. But is it a failure of the movie, or a success, that it treats such nonsense earnestly?
CGI
Men movie review: if it walks like misogyny and squawks like misogyny…
A “critique” of misogyny that is outright misogynist, even before it goes down a gorefest rabbit hole of infuriating contempt for women. What the hell is going on with this would-be-mythic mishmash?
The King’s Daughter movie review: a royal disaster
Ostensibly a movie in the same way that a Victorian folly is ostensibly a Japanese temple or a medieval castle. That is: not at all. Like a themed high-school prom from 1994, and an accidental horror.
The Suicide Squad movie review: primrose psychopaths
Spanks the 2016 film and sends it off to the corner to think about what it did. This one is the definite article: Gory, grim, bleakly funny. Full of feverish, anarchic energy and exhausting cynicism.
Peter Rabbit 2 (aka Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway) movie review: carrot and shtick
Cynical sequel — you know, for kids! — doubles down on the nihilistic money-grubbing of the original. Thinks that being clever and meta about its own disenchantment will win us over. It does not.
Scoob! movie review: Scooby dooby don’t
A spectacularly scattershot, pandering mess of pulp junk, cheap-looking animation, and poisonous gender dynamics. A charmless cash-grab that can’t be bothered with the slightest stab at originality.
The Call of the Wild movie review: a very good boi (mostly)
An old-fashioned kiddie adventure, sweetly earnest, equal parts scary, funny, exciting, sad, and happy, with only a bit of uncanny valley in its CGI doggo star. Definitely had something in my eye.
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil movie review: mistress of what now?
An apparently unfairly maligned “wicked witch” has to be redeemed again. Anyway, bitches be evil, crazy and traumatized, or sweet dumb personality-free near-morons. You know, for kids!
Gemini Man movie review: the last hurrah of the movie star
No movie has ever been higher-concept than this: Today-aged Will Smith versus CGI-young Will Smith! It’s the future of film in an anemic, tedious, ironically dated spy-action shell. Bafflingly awful.
movie-related flash-fiction freebie: “Disney Dystopia”
“Hey, so you wanna go to the disneys tonight?”
