my week at the movies: ‘Sherlock Holmes,’ ‘Armored,’ ‘Invictus,’ ‘It’s Complicated,’ ‘The Last Station’

Who wants a sparkly vampire boyfriend? I want an ass-kicking, violin-playing, cocaine-shooting-up, arrogant, superior, crime-solving genius boyfriend, and all the better if he’s played by Robert Downey Jr., who is probably just as fucked up as Holmes himself but is walking sex nevertheless. (Jude Law’s not so bad, either.) Oh my god I feel like … more…

trailer break: ‘2012’

Take a break from work: watch a trailer… Second-by-second reactions: 0:23: “Mayan calendar predicts the end of time”? *snort* And I’ve got an ark on a Middle Eastern mountaintop I’d like to sell you… 0:37: Oh no! Not John Cusack! Johnny, what were you thinking? God, I hope they paid you a shitload of dough … more…

Unleashed and Crash (review)

With its clear and obvious choices — think Eddie Izzard’s ‘cake? or death?’ bit — *Unleashed* really is a fairy tale next to *Crash,* where half the time when you think you’ve got a grasp on what’s the ‘right’ thing to do and the ‘right’ way to live, you turn out to be wrong, even if the other guy is wrong, too.

totally quotable: best. lines. ever, 2004 edition

Here, in one place, the most quotable movie lines of the year 2004. They’re not ranked — they’re all great. [Warning: May contain spoilers.] [click here for the funniest bad snippets of dialogue from 2004] “Only people from the Bronx care about the Oscars.” –Sandra Dee (Kate Bosworth), Beyond the Sea “I’ve never seen a … more…

Million Dollar Baby (review)

Oh, but this is a sucker punch of a movie, harsh and sere and so thoroughly unsentimental that it seems to have active contempt for lesser movies that pander to the audience’s desire to walk out of the theater feeling good and happy and that all is right in the world. This is like winning the lottery and getting hit by a train on your way to cash in your ticket. This is not for anyone who feels the need to escape real life at the multiplex. This *is* real life, as real as film gets. You are warned.

Unforgiven (review)

‘It’s a hell of a thing, killin’ a man,’ says thief and killer William Munny (Clint Eastwood, who also directed) in Unforgiven. ‘You take away all he’s got and all he’s ever gonna have.’ Practically an antimovie, this revisionist Western rejects the concept of casual murder that many films revel in to examine why ‘it ain’t so easy to shoot a man.’

Driving Miss Daisy (review)

Atlantan Miss Daisy Werthan (Jessica Tandy) is a ‘fine, rich, Jewish lady,’ says her black chauffeur, Hoke Coburn (Morgan Freeman). Driving Miss Daisy is the bittersweet drama about the unspoken friendship between this unlikely pair over a quarter of a century, from 1948 to 1973.

Deep Impact (review)

Deep Impact isn’t about the audience watching the world end — it’s about us empathizing with the people watching the world end. Big diff. But the sold-out, opening-night crowd I saw Deep Impact with wanted none of that.