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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

daily list: 5 better Thomas Magnums than Matthew McConaughey

Ah, I see that the creative collapse of Hollywood continues with yet another ripoff from TV: we’re getting a Magnum P.I. movie, and it’s going to star Matthew McConaughey. Ugh. Worse, it’s coming from Rawson Thurber, the writer-director of Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Have these guys even seen the classic 80s TV show? Who decided that the new-millennium equivalent of “charming and frothy and fun” is “smarmy and juvenile and idiotic”?

Almost anyone would be better than Thurber, and almost anyone would be better than McConaughey in the starring role. Such as:
1. Josh Holloway. We know him now as the magnetic conman Sawyer on Lost, but can’t you see him putting that bad-boy allure to good use as a crime-fighting ladies man? We already know he looks great on the beach…

2. Russell Crowe. The Magnum move could go all intense and grim — like Michael Mann’s Miami Vice update — with the likes of Crowe in the driver’s seat of Robin Masters’ Ferrari.

3. Connor Trinneer. You don’t know who is he, because he’s the most criminally underused actor on television. But if you saw him steal Star Trek: Enterprise from Scott Bakula, then you know what I’m talking about. He’s got all-American charisma with a dangerous edge — just like Magnum — and can do laid-back that doesn’t make you think “brain-dead.”

4. Will Smith. Magnum was a regular guy, but in a grownup way that the likes of overgrown fratboy McConaughey can’t hope to match. Who’s our new everyman for the 21st century? Of course it’s Will Smith. Which means that the new TC, Magnum’s sidekick, could be played by a goofy white guy. It could even be McConaughey.

5. Tom Selleck. Hey, if Harrison Ford can pick up Indiana Jones’s fedora and bullwhip after 25 years, why can Selleck put on the Hawaiian shirt again? It’d be fun to catch up with what Magnum’s been up to in recent years.

Oh, and Higgins? Must be played by Ewan McGregor.

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