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rare female film critic | by maryann johanson

I’ll always have Paris

I’m finding it really hard to get back into the swing of things. Part of it is that I’m still jetlagged and feeling foggy-headed from my horrific flight home on Saturday (which I’m not going to talk about, because I’d rather think about all the wonderful aspects of my trip). Another part is that I’m really depressed, which I wasn’t expecting at all, because Paris was wonderful and I desperately wanted to spend more time there, and also because it’s been 10 years since I had anything like a real vacation, and now I’m not sure whether I wanted to be reminded how much I love to travel and how infrequently I’ve been able to do it.
That’s 50 percent of my inability to get moving. The other 50 percent is that I was so inspired by Paris and my experience of the culture — and the pop culture — there, and by my desire to figure out how to be even more independent a worker/writer/creative person than I already am, that I’m almost paralyzed. I have a ton of new ideas about new features for this site and for the personal blog/portfolio/whatever that I’ve been thinking about starting for a while anyway that I barely know where to begin. Plus there’s a pile of money-job stuff staring me in the face that has to get done almost immediately — much of it having been put on hold while I was away — and that’s got me feeling overwhelmed too. (Part of the need to be more independent comes from wanting to be able to dump the money-job work and still make a living… and a good enough living to be able to travel more.)

So, while what I really feel like doing is crawling back into bed for a few days and crying, what I’m having to do is jump right back into the merry-go-round of screenings (I had two yesterday, three today — and hopefully late tonight or early tomorrow I’ll post a belated “my week at the movies” thingie). The merry-go-round of postings is spinning, begging me to jump back on, and hopefully that will happen tomorrow.

Oh, yeah, and the alarmist “news” about bloggers working themselves to death hasn’t helped my paralysis any… nor has the clear evidence of the major dip in my own traffic here while I was away. Blog more to raise traffic, and die in the process? Cake or death?

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