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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

what?! Ricardo Montalban and Patrick McGoohan on the same day?

Geez, step away from the computer for five minutes (or five hours)…

So I clicked over to the IMDB to check out some stuff and I see the headline:

Actor Ricardo Montalban Dies at 88

And then the other headline:

Patrick McGoohan Dead At 80

And I’m all, Oh, crap.
I’m a geek. And I’m an Xer. So when I think of Ricardo Montalban, it’s not even Khan and his Koooooouuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrkk! (which he somehow made to sound more like the word for the thing that stoppers up a bottle of wine than the name of the guy who captained the Enterprise 1701) that comes to mind. No, the first thing that comes to mind is Fantasy Island.

C’mon. I was like eight or nine years old. Friday night (or was it Saturday night?) on ABC was totally about The Love Boat and then Fantasy Island. (Or was it the other way around?) It was an awesome two hours of TV, for reasons that I’m not sure I could even articulate now, and that embarrass me slightly, but I’m not going to deny the truth of it.

And Montalban’s Mr. Roarke? He was like Santa Claus, but creepy. He would fulfill your dreams, but in a “be careful what you wish for” kind of way. And there’s just something wrong about people who can keep white pants that white.

Putting a worm in Ensign Pavel Chekov’s ear a few years later was merely a bonus. Yeah, I know he wasn’t still an ensign then, but he kinda always was, wasn’t he? Just like it was kinda like creepy Mr. Roarke putting a worm in Chekov’s ear.

McGoohan? The Prisoner. That show — which I saw for the first time on PBS when I was maybe 14 or so — so warped my brain that I still haven’t recovered. And I’m still not a number, no matter how many times people who have no right to it ask for my Social Security number. Thank you, Patrick, for reminding us to stick it to The Man whenever we can…



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