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die hard is a xmas movie | by maryann johanson

of all the TV ads I hate…

…I think I hate this one the most:

Five. Five dollar. Five dollar footlong.

It makes me think of cheap porn, or cheap male prostitutes, or both.

And I don’t want to be thinking about those things.

I wonder if Subway wants us to be thinking about those things, and especially thinking about those things in connection with food — oh, man, I totally have to get a five-dollar footlong in my mouth right now! — or if I’m the only one with a dirty mind that goes to these places. But knowing me, and knowing other people, I cannot imagine I am alone in this.

Ugh. Not that I would ever eat in Subway anyway, but still: Ugh.



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