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film criticism by maryann johanson | since 1997

retro trailer: ‘Tiptoes’

Take a look back at an old trailer…

When I came across this recently (as a bonus nonpolitical post at the political blog Eschaton, which is one of my daily surfing stops), I was convinced it had to be a joke. There was no way in hell this could be real: it had to be the result of clever editing by a snarky film buff, or the doing of the wags at The Onion, or something. I knew this even though, at the same time, a little voice in the back of my head was noting that it was way too polished to not be real.

But it’s real. This is a real movie.

My god this plays like a demented parody of romantic comedies, and of trailers themselves. “When the going gets rough, it’s only the size of your heart that counts”? Are they shitting us? “Command performances from Kate Beckinsale [and] Matthew McConaughey”? What? “And in the role of a lifetime, Gary Oldman”? Bwahahahahahaha!

I think I saw this on Saturday Night Live once.

Of course you know I instantly ran to Netflix and added Tiptoes to my queue. At right at the tiptop, too — I cannot wait to see how awful this can be.

Tiptoes is out of print in Region 1, but used copies are available; it’s available new in Region 2.

(I might make retro trailers a regular Saturday feature. Lemme know what you think.)

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