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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

the oh-no! DVD of the week: ‘Playmobil: The Secret of Pirate Island’

It’s a Choose Your Own Adventure-type thing, according to the Sony press release about the DVD:

Would-be buccaneers can even participate in the action, as PLAYMOBIL: THE SECRET OF PIRATE ISLAND features an exciting interactive storyline. At certain points throughout the story, the lead characters, Jack and Amelia, will turn to the viewers and ask, “What should we do?” Two possible options will appear on the screen, leaving it up to the viewers to decide how the story will proceed. This unique feature allows for 28 different possible story combinations, making PLAYMOBIL: THE SECRET OF PIRATE ISLAND 28 different adventures for the price of one! It’s a magical adventure that will light up every child’s imagination.

I’m using my imagination to imagine that someone saw all the fan-made LEGO videos online, and figured, Damn, we should be gettin’ us some of that action.

I loved the Playmobil toys as a kid, and I still love ’em, but there’s something a wee bit horrifying about this. Jack and Amelia look terrified:

Maybe God can help them:

Though anything that would scare the shit out of a pirate might be a challenge even for the Almighty:

Oh no! Who let Dom DeLuise on the ship?!

I do love the chest hair, though…



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