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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

question of the day: How the hell adorable is Tucker Max?

You might have thought that Tucker Max might have taken a hint from the fact that his toddler’s temper tantrum of a flick, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, was rejected not only by critics but by audiences: it has earned only $1.4 million and never managed to muster a wider release than 266 theaters. But in a new interview with AskMen.com, Max remains adamantly clueless as to the reasons why his movie flopped:

The movie couldn’t have been marketed a whole lot worse. I mean, no one saw more reaction than me, and no one knows better than me what people think of the movie. I would’ve known long before it came out if it sucked, I would’ve known if people didn’t respond well to it, and that’s just not what happened, which makes the marketing all the more annoying. Because if it had sucked, no big deal, at least not many people saw it… [laughs] But when you make a good movie, and it gets marketed like sh*t, then it’s just so aggravating.

See, he woulda known if the movie sucked, so obviously it didn’t suck. Duh.

(An aside about cuteness: How endearing is it that AskMen.com, which gleefully and unashamedly regularly reduces half the population to the status of sex toys, is so demure that it must bleep out the word shit?)

But Max is certain that his movie is destined for greatness — greatness, I tell you:

It took a while for the book to really get moving, so I think it’s going to be the same thing with the DVD. Most really good comedies do that. I mean, there aren’t a whole lot of great iconic comedies that were hits out of the box. Ask people what’s their favorite comedy — what are they? Office Space, The Big Lebowski, Caddyshack… None of those were really hits out of the box. I don’t think Caddyshack did… it didn’t do very well theatrically, did it? Animal House did good theatrically, but I think Caddyshack actually did pretty sh*tty theatrically. [Note: It made almost $40 million in 1980.] So I’m not really worried about it. I mean, what we did was so different and so new, it’s just one of those things…

See? Beer in Hell is on a par with Office Space. Why, it’s even totally similar to Oscar winners!

The much better strategy would’ve been to start in one city, like what most movies do, like most small independent movies, even ones that studios release, like Slumdog Millionaire, Paranormal Activity or Juno.

But it’s all okay, because Max didn’t have to sell his soul to achieve the destined-to-be-classic awesomeness that is Beer in Hell:

Look, here’s what people who don’t create don’t understand, is that once you take money from the machine, the machine owns you. And I was just never ever going to let that happen. I’m not saying I’m so much better than everyone because I did an indie movie. I hate people like that — they’re stupid. … This movie, if we had sold it to [FOX] Searchlight, they would’ve put Seth Rogen and Dane Cook in it, and they would’ve cut all the f*cking balls out of the jokes, and they would’ve brought in some sh*t bird to rewrite the script who would’ve had Tucker have a girlfriend and this and that, and then it’s like they own everything, they may have fired me… I would’ve stabbed somebody if they had done that. They would’ve fired me off the movie because they own it — I don’t own sh*t anymore, but then I’m the one who has to live with all their creative decisions.

Max has integrity, bitchas.

How the hell adorable is Tucker Max?

(If you have a suggestion for a QOTD, feel free to email me. Responses to this QOTD sent by email will be ignored; please post your responses here.)



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