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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

because our culture is so far beyond satire it’s terrifying

Christ, it’s more like a Just Shoot Me Thought for the Day, and the only thing that is saving my sanity here is that unless God exists and he’s even more of a cruel bastard than we already thought, this is a premature April Fool’s joke (via Pajiba):

20th Century Fox is developing a film based on the E*Trade talking babies. No. I am not making this up. Actress and writer Katie Dippold (“Parks and Recreation,” “MADtv”) is penning the script. And no. I’m not kidding. The film is a “mission movie,” about a group of talking babies trying to make their way across the playground.

NO. I am not lying to you! Why would I lie? What reason would I have to bring you news like that if it weren’t true. Hell. Don’t blame me. Blame The Hollywood Cog. He’s the one that told me. Better yet, blame 20th Century Fox. No wait. Blame E*Trade. They’re responsible for the goddamn talking babies in the first place.

I cannot believe that someone is making a movie based on the E*Trade babies. A talking baby movie is bad enough, but one that’s based on a television commercial campaign?

We live in a sick world, people. A sick, sad world.

Of course, even if this is a put-on, it’s rather telling that we could be fooled by this, what passes for entertainment having sunk so low that this is not implausible.

If it isn’t a joke, we’re doomed.

Either way, *sob.*

This has been your WTF Thought for the Day.

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  • Nathan

    If true, we can only hope that it meets the same fate as Cavemen

  • bitchen frizzy

    Oh, don’t be so pessimistic. I thought the same thing when they started making movies based on amusement park rides, and as it turned out we all loved it.

    Personally, the talking babies weird me out. It’s like they’re possessed or something. I don’t like any ads with talking babies. Am I the only one, though? Everyone else seems to think they’re adorable.

  • @bitchen frizzy: you are not alone. i hate those commercials. i hate the smarmy “voice” of the baby… i just hate the whole thing. and i hated that talking baby movie that came before: Look Who’s Talking… yuck and double yuck.

    although, i do like the babies on Rug Rats. animated talking babies i like. also, muppet babies.

    but not E*Trade babies. no.

  • Remy Michael

    I really have to wonder if they’ll get Lindsay Lohan to voice one of the babies. Maybe she gets all the Look Who’s E*Trading Now profits as a settlement.

  • Dave

    Didn’t they try making a TV show out of the last computerized talking baby ad “Bob” and it died a quick death if it even came out at all. My memory is a little rusty. Oh well I too hate those ads with a white hot burning passion and can only hope someone at 20th century fox comes to their senses before they actually start filming.

    And I thought signing Tayler Lautner to star in a 3d Stretch Armstrong movie was insane.

  • Emrys

    I can’t really get too upset about this because talking babies have been a staple of pop culture for eternity.

    I don’t even think their mouths moved in Look Who’s Talking.

    Complaining about this is like complaining that Edward Cullen has too much in common with Count Chocula.

  • bitchen frizzy

    Didn’t care for Look Who’s Talking, either.

    I’m better when they’re mouths don’t move. Much creepier when they have CGI mouths plastered on their faces.

    Like Bronxbee said, cartoon babies aren’t a problem.

  • bitchen frizzy

    That should be “their”, of course. Caffiene is wearing off.

  • Michael

    I’m curious as to whether or not my body could, physically, withstand the amount of dope I’d have to smoke to consider seeing such a film.

  • Speaking as the only person in the entire country who loved the Caveman series (also derived from commercials), I’m gonna go ahead and reserve judgment. The E-Trade commercials are pretty silly, but that one where the baby pukes while he’s talking is hilarious.

    Of course, you can’t script that!

  • MaryAnn

    Of course, you can’t script that!

    You can CGI it, though.

    I find realistic (ie, noncartoon) talking babies creepy, too.

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