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cultural vandal | by maryann johanson

wtf: can’t sleep, London Olympics mascots will kill me

According to the Guardian, these candy-colored fiends

are based on a short story by children’s author Michael Morpurgo that tells how they were fashioned from droplets of the steel used to build the Olympic stadium.

They’re called Wenlock and Mandeville, though I suspect even their mother can’t remember which one is which. From the Guardian:

Wenlock, named after the Shropshire town of Much Wenlock that helped inspire Pierre de Coubertin to launch the modern Olympics, and Mandeville, inspired by the Buckinghamshire town of Stoke Mandeville, where the Paralympics were founded, will become very familiar in the next two years. The chairman of the London organising committee of the Olympic games (Locog), Lord Coe, said the mascots were aimed squarely at children and designed with the digital age in mind. He said they had the most positive reaction in workshops to road test them.

Yeah, well, clowns are aimed squarely at children, too, and no one is stopping clowns from eating our brains while we sleep.

And you. Will. Not. Be. Able. To. Escape. Them:

They will become a range of up to 30 cuddly toys, including versions based on celebrities and sports stars, as well as adorning badges, T-shirts, mugs and more.

Reader Paul, who sent me the photo, thinks they look like Doctor Who monsters. I can see that, if it’s a monster whose evil consciousness is too big for just one body, and so it is divided into two hideous corporeal forms that each have one giant eye and yet see together, all the better to plot how to take over the universe by riveting us all in unutterable horror till we all simply die of thirst.

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