wtf: ‘Ghost: The Musical’ coming to the West End

Someone make it stop:

The dazzling new musical, Ghost, based on the phenomenal multi-Oscar winning, box office-breaking film starring Patrick Swayze, Demi Moore and Whoopi Goldberg, opens at the Piccadilly Theatre on 22 June 2011.

A timeless story about the power of love in which Sam is trapped as a ghost between this world and the next trying to communicate with girlfriend Molly through a phoney psychic, in the hope of saving her from his murderer.

A thrilling rollercoaster ride of romance, drama and suspense, Ghost features stunning new music and lyrics by music legends Dave Stewart (Eurythmics) and Glen Ballard (Writer of Michael Jackson’s Man in the Mirror), and featuring the unforgettable Unchained Melody. Bruce Joel Rubin adapts his Oscar-winning screenplay for the stage.

Directed by the multi-award-winning Matthew Warchus, designed by Rob Howell, and with extraordinary, magical stage effects by Paul Kieve, illusionist for Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Ghost is the theatrical event of 2011. Unmissable.

Oh, I believe, all right. I believe Whoopi Goldberg will have nothing to do with this. I believe the live-action pottery wheel scene will be a triumph of unintentional hilarity. I believe the lyrics will be overly sappy and hugely ridiculous. I believe the big romantic number will feature ghostly Sam singing an, ahem, haunting ballad entitled, perhaps “Trapped,” and that the showstopper “Ghost of a Chance” — a rollicking, spectacularly choreographed song-and-dance number in which Sam and Oda Mae comically discover each other’s limitations — will bring the house down at the end of Act One every night. I believe that by 2013, Ghost: The Musical: The Movie will be hitting multplexes.

I believe I feel a headache coming on…

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