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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

what cool job from movies would you love to do (and what would suck about it)?


I ran across an intriguing headline recently:


This is from a site called Guyism, which is exactly the sort of site you’d expect it to be and so actually includes “gangster” and “international assassin” on its list of cool movie jobs and doesn’t seem to understand why being a “globe-trotting archaeologist” or “wacky scientist” or “space smuggler” wouldn’t suck. Or at least they home in on the wrong things that would suck: sticking it to The Man so much that The Man is furious as hell at you is part of why Han Solo or Malcolm Reynolds are cool and a bonus part of their job, not a negative.

(If you’re suspecting this post is merely a pretext to post another picture of Nathan Fillion, you wouldn’t be wrong about that. Neither “movie blogger” nor “film critic” has ever been the occupation of a movie protagonist, as far as I know, but getting to post pictures of Nathan Fillion whenever you want is definitely a cool thing about the job.)

(And now I’m gonna have to write a story about a kickass movie blogger who saves the world. Don’t think I won’t.)

So let’s put a slightly more positive spin on Guyism’s concept:

What cool job from movies would you love to do (and what would suck about it)?

Dream big, and have fun.

(If you have a suggestion for a Question, feel free to email me.)

  • RogerBW

    Disaster movie scientist. Sure, I have to argue with generals who always want to nuke it (whatever “it” may be), but I get to do real science and save the world.

  • Tony Richards

    ‘globe trotting archaeologist’…I think Indy himself sums up why the job would suck in The Last Crusade. “Most of your work is done in the library, we don’t follow maps to buried treasure and ‘X’ never marks the spot.” Way to take ALL of the cool stuff out of our day dreams dude.

  • Stephanie C.

    Princess of Alderaan? is that a job?

  • PattiH.

    Job schmob. I could look at that picture of Nathan as Mal all day.

  • MisterAntrobus

    Depends on how much you like libraries, I guess.

  • Jess Haskins

    Starship captain. (Yeah, still on that TOS kick.)

    Pros: gallivanting around the galaxy.

    Cons: spartan shipboard life, the burden of responsibility for hundreds of lives, emotional reserve and the need to maintain the appearance of confidence and authority, the loneliness of command, routine and extreme physical danger (at least, if you insist on leading all your own landing parties).

    It’s funny, rewatching The Cage (the original pilot), I never realized before how much the episode revolves around the idea that Pike hates his life. We meet him in command on the bridge, then in like the next scene he’s downing whiskey in his quarters with the doctor and telling him about how awful his job is and how he wants to quit. This conversation sets up the rest of the episode, which is essentially a series of extended fantasies about all the things he could be doing with his life instead of captaining a ship.

    Orion Space Pirate sure looks like a fun job, right? At least that’s what the holos would have you believe…

  • RogerBW

    “Join the space pirates, they said. It’s a man’s life, they said…”

  • Captain_Swing666

    And no toilets! The only toilet I’ve ever seen on a starship was on the “Kickstart”

  • LaSargenta

    Ghost Buster.

    Pros: You have to ask?!

    Cons: Ectoplasm

  • David N-T

    Spice smuggler.

    Pros: Go from one end of the galaxy to the other in my sweet ride and my best buddy, needing only a good blaster by my side.

    Cons: A death mark is not an easy thing to live with.

  • amanohyo

    Space Station Chief of Security

    Pros: Environmentally friendly – no need to waste dilithium, sit back and let the adventure come to you. The interest rates for new bucket mortgages have never been lower. Free use of bar holodeck.

    Cons: Commanding Officer/Emissary constantly orating like a Christmas ham. Smarmy medical officer marries spunky first officer you had a crush on in real life. Parents are evil overlords bent on quadrant domination.

    Dream Architect

    Pros: Can design structures without financial or logical limitations. Get paid to bugtest puzzles and mazes. Short commute. Napping and daydreaming encouraged.

    Cons: Your coworkers and boss have the combined imaginative power of Michael Bay on a heavy regimen of Xanax and Nyquil. Must be able to infodump at least five minutes straight. Excessively long hours. Excessively short hours.

  • KLee

    Shark expert–

    Pros: You get to lecture everyone about sharks and explain why sharks are a critical part of the marine ecosystem and should be studied, not slaughtered.
    Cons: You end up cowering behind an undersea boulder while someone else heroically kills the badass shark.

  • madderrose74

    The Doctor’s companion. (Don’t tell me it’s not a job. Martha spent three months as a housemaid in Edwardian England washing floors and skivvies for the man.) Yeah, you sign on with the dashing stranger for anywhere, anywhen. Amazing foodstuffs, interesting people. You get imprisoned regularly, have your autonomy taken by various alien species and robots, or maybe you have to watch the person you love die over and over because you’re trapped in a time loop. Then one day it ends, and if you’re lucky, you’re a survivor with PTSD trapped with a cast-off clone with PTSD. Or you’re not so lucky, and you’re dead, or mind-wiped.

  • amazonwarlord

    Firefly had a toilet.

  • Captain_Swing666

    That’s true – I’d forgotten that. Was Firefly a starship or a spaceship? The whole series was set in a single system and we didn’t get to see it travel to other stars. So possibly it doesn’t count. Sorry that’s the Civil Servant coming out in me.

    I’ll allow it (isn’t that magnanimous of me?) So that’s two.

  • What attracted new audiences? A name is ouch? Or an attractive content? I think the mistake that point already. Let’s all feel free to spectators

  • RogerBW

    All that nonsensical “lots of habitable worlds in the same system” stuff doesn’t show up in the series; it’s only the film that feels the need to explain. The series could be about a starship.

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