way too tired

It’s been a three-screening day. And that was after the trauma of writing my review of the latest Adam Sandler movie (which I’ll post on Thursday morning, as soon as the embargo lifts).

I’m way too beat to do the U.S. what-to-stream post tonight, or to write up this week’s Game of Thrones (which I have seen). First thing tomorrow.

I am getting perilously close to a fuck-it-all moment and retiring to a little cottage with 12 cats and perhaps no Internet access. Someone talk me down from that ledge…

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Danielm80
Danielm80
Tue, May 20, 2014 11:40pm

I really admire the work you’ve put into this site, and your persistence in keeping up this level of quality in spite of the hundreds of obstacles you have to face every day. (I don’t think I’m exaggerating the number.)

At the moment, I’m dealing with the stress of health issues, work, and a storytelling festival I’m organizing. None of that requires the degree of commitment you’ve put into flickfilosopher.com, and I’m still ridiculously close to a nervous breakdown. (That little cottage with 12 cats sounds very appealing today.) I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to relieve your workload, or the trauma of an Adam Sandler movie, but I’m still here, wishing you strength.

LaSargenta
LaSargenta
Wed, May 21, 2014 12:56am

No. I won’t. Maybe that’s what you need.

Bob Boatman
Bob Boatman
Wed, May 21, 2014 2:53am

You need to walk away from it for awhile, and get some perspective. No one is going to die if you don’t get your Thrones review out this week, or miss a review of any Adam Sandler movie. Your fans aren’t going to quit you for taking a few mental health days. Breathe deeply. Take a walk. Count your blessings. They are folks out of work or homeless. You watch movies :)

KingNewbs
reply to  Bob Boatman
Wed, May 21, 2014 3:52am

True enough… we don’t necessarily need a review of an Adam Sandler movie unless…. she liked it?

But no, that’s not possible.

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  KingNewbs
Wed, May 21, 2014 9:49am

No, the world doesn’t *need* my review. Except the screening was early enough that it meant I could sell a review to the alt-weeklies in the US that run some of my stuff. And at least one of them was waiting for that review. None of those papers pay much, but since I’m not making anywhere near enough from subscriptions here, I have no choice but to take advantage of those sales as much as I can.

KingNewbs
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Wed, May 21, 2014 4:04pm

Curse you, Sandleeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr!

Well, at least some good can come of the torture.

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  Bob Boatman
Wed, May 21, 2014 9:49am

I’m close to out of work and homeless. I stick with this because I have deluded myself into thinking that my fortunes will change.

Danielm80
Danielm80
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Wed, May 21, 2014 12:28pm

As you probably know by now, I’m a little neurotic. I decided to “upvote” your comment, but then I started to worry; I don’t want anyone to think I’m upvoting the fact that you’re nearly homeless. So I’m posting this to say that I’m upvoting your courage and persistence, which are a huge inspiration to me, on a week when I really need inspiration.

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  Danielm80
Wed, May 21, 2014 12:34pm

Hearing that I’m an inspiration helps a little. Thanks for saying that.

LaSargenta
LaSargenta
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Wed, May 21, 2014 1:25pm

Your work and you are inspirations and I get a lot of enjoyment from this site — which is all your work and therefore part of you.

I’m sympathetic to the cabin the woods with cats, though. You need a break and support.

Bob Boatman
Bob Boatman
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Wed, May 21, 2014 11:55pm

Hope you are feeling better today :)

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  Bob Boatman
Thu, May 22, 2014 12:46pm

I have only degrees of feeling not-great these days.

bronxbee
bronxbee
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Thu, May 22, 2014 5:39pm

then it is time to do something else that *will* make you feel great. or at least, not so miserable.

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  bronxbee
Thu, May 22, 2014 6:32pm

Except the problem isn’t the work. I love the work. And so my choice is: Keep on. Or throw away all the time and effort I have put into this work, when the payoff might be just around the corner*, and start all over again with something else.

The other problem is, there is *some* money coming in from subscriptions. I lose that — and also the bit of money that comes in from reselling my reviews to the alt-weeklies — if I stop.

*I’ve been telling myself “it might be just around the corner” for years, and it probably isn’t just around the corner.

bronxbee
bronxbee
reply to  MaryAnn Johanson
Fri, May 23, 2014 7:48pm

but the payoff is not making you happy — and you seem to have made it all part and parcel of your general mood and life. i’m all for you doing whatever you feel is best for you. i would like to see you amply rewarded. but when is enough enough? or are you like the old george burns quote, “I’d rather be out of work in a business I love, than make a fortune selling hats?” he had a lot of years on the road and the vaudeville circuit before he made a decent living at his act — most of which was due to partnering with gracie allen.

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  bronxbee
Fri, May 23, 2014 9:34pm

Yes. I know. I’m totally fucked.

Danielm80
Danielm80
reply to  bronxbee
Fri, May 23, 2014 10:27pm

If I were more of a jerk, I’d feel obligated to respond, “What? And leave show business?”

(http://ask.metafilter.com/117904/Whats-the-joke-thas-hase-the-punchline-what-and-give-up-show-business for those who don’t know the joke)

But speaking as someone who’s had a difficult time finding intelligent film discussion (or intelligent discussion of any kind) on the Internet, I really appreciate the fact that she’s still here.

KingNewbs
Wed, May 21, 2014 3:51am

You… ah…. you don’t want 12 cats. That’s a Grade A Rookie Mistake. But retiring to a cabin in the woods sounds nice. There’s always satellite internet.

RogerBW
RogerBW
Thu, May 22, 2014 3:14pm

12 cats means nobody will find the body.

I love this site because of your reviews. (It’s one of two sites I pay actual money for.) But if you burn yourself out trying to keep things going at full pace I don’t get reviews anyway.

But you’ve had the guts to do a thing (several things) I haven’t, and I’m impressed and encouraged by this. When I walk past a poster for the latest horrid blockbuster, I think “at least MaryAnn will have something interesting to say about it, so the hundreds of millions that went into making it weren’t entirely wasted”.

What would happen if all critics refused to review Adam Sandler films?

Tonio Kruger
Tonio Kruger
Thu, May 22, 2014 5:07pm

Do what you gotta do, MaryAnn.

If you need to take time off, then take time off.

If you need to work at a job you don’t particularly care for to pay your bills? Well, you would not be the first professional writer to do so and you might even get a story idea out of the experience.

Whatever you decide, you gotta do what’s best for you.

However, given the influence of a certain Joss Whedon movie, I would think twice about going to a cabin in the woods if I were you. :)

LaSargenta
LaSargenta
Thu, May 22, 2014 10:55pm

Sumptin’ funny, mebbe will make you giggle for a mo’: http://savingroomforcats.tumblr.com/

MaryAnn Johanson
reply to  LaSargenta
Fri, May 23, 2014 12:09pm

Oooh, that thing men do *enrages* me.