The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones review
Way to give overwrought fan fiction a bad name. No amount of fairy dust can make this bewitching.
reviews by genre
The Thick of It review
My ears are bleeding from Malcolm Tucker’s volcano of hilariously creative vulgarity; he is to profanity what Shakespeare is to poetry.
2 Guns review: buddy cops, slight of hand
Oddly took some advice not intended for movies: “Be specific but not memorable. Be funny but don’t make ’em laugh.”
Passion review
Trashy remake of the brilliant French black comedy strips out the satire and slathers what’s left in ridiculous lesbian-erotic-thriller sauce.
Hammer of the Gods review
This is what happens when your Lord of the Rings cosplay gets overrun by Method stuntmen.
The Lifeguard review
Apparently it’s hard to be a grownup in today’s crazy world without committing consequence-free statutory rape. Ugh.
Upstream Color review: higher dimensions of storytelling
A confounding intellectual mystery, an enigmatic philosophical science fantasy that’s like a cinematic Moebius strip.
Hell Baby review: what the hell?
I’m actually angry at how little the movie even tries. There isn’t enough of anything here to pad out a brief sketch, never mind a feature-length film.
The Way, Way Back review: how to escape from your family
One of the more achingly poignant stories of awkward (male) adolescence I’ve seen. Sam Rockwell steals this movie more than he has ever stolen a movie before.
Pain and Gain review: American nightmare
A bleak, bitter, wicked pleasure that holds up the underpinnings of modern America — self-help, Jesus, and violence — for ridicule.
