Hammer of the Gods review

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Hammer of the Gods red light

This is what happens when your Lord of the Rings cosplay gets overrun by Method stuntmen.
I’m “biast” (pro): nothing

I’m “biast” (con): nothing

(what is this about? see my critic’s minifesto)

This is what happens when your Lord of the Rings cosplay gets overrun by Method stuntmen. See, there’s a Viking prince, and he has to walk among some green hills to find his brother, another Viking prince, because their father the king is dying, which is a risk you run when you invade nice innocent Saxon farmers: one of them might object to be raped and pillaged. Occasionally during the walk through the green hills, a gang of refugees from Monty Python and the Holy Grail — “’Tis a scratch!” — attacks, and then there is some swordplay with lots of wet meaty sound FX. It’s kinda like a History Channel reenactment, but with more gore, more swearing, and more threats of Viking boy-buggery. “This isn’t just somebody’s head on a stick!” we are informed at one juncture. “This is a sign!” Indeed.

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Fri, Aug 30, 2013 9:40am

“Head on a stick! Head on a stick! Getcher nice fresh spleen, walking around on the battlefield just this morning!”

Fri, Aug 30, 2013 4:19pm

Looks like it’s trying very hard to be Spartacus. I’d rather just watch Spartacus. If you want bloody gore and sex, there’s no substitute!