
Argylle movie review: just *argh*
A vacuous multitentacled exercise in pop-culture marketing, and a crass, confused, charmless showcase for Matthew Vaughn’s goes-to-11 hyperactive “style” of unconvincing CGI and frenetic fight scenes.

A vacuous multitentacled exercise in pop-culture marketing, and a crass, confused, charmless showcase for Matthew Vaughn’s goes-to-11 hyperactive “style” of unconvincing CGI and frenetic fight scenes.

Nicolas Cage is comedic in a dry, subtle, nakedly painful way, playing with his “Cage rage” persona; his performance is profoundly moving. I only wish the film was more deserving of what he’s doing.

There is gentle nonstop chaos in the trippy candy-colored assault. Genuinely good-natured, sweet without being sappy, more strange (in a good way) than kids’ movies usually are, and hard to dislike.

More plot holes than plot, this overly convoluted, deeply stupid Fast and Furious wannabe is crammed with clichés and memorable only when it’s laughable.

Cute and sweet and will put you to sleep, like a diabetic coma, and then it will smack you awake with its relentlessly cheery vivid-pastel optimism.

Busy with CGI to hide the emptiness where the emotional core should be. Even the mechanics of getting a man from mere mortal to demigod-in-a-cape are rote.

Snappy, snarky, and brisk, this is a drawing-room update on the classic story of the Egyptian queen, pulled off with effortless screwball panache.
Actual unretouched phrases that people plugged into search engines this week that led them to this site (with some commentary from me)…
Ooo ooo ooo! I know, I know! Tom Cruise is in the Matrix! No, wait, his dreams are being incepted! No, wait, wait: he’s in a video game!
I might have to go with the ending of Raiders of the Lost Ark, with the ark being packed away into a warehouse, presumably never to be seen again…