film criticism by maryann johanson | handcrafted since 1997
A “family” comedy about nuclear terrorism, the incompetent CIA agent on the case, and his 9-year-old sidekick. Desperately unfunny, thoroughly misjudged. We are in the worst and the dumbest timeline.
Oh yeah, I’m late with this. I carefully gather them all year long and then I never get around to posting them. So here they are at long last. And for 2011, I’m just gonna post ’em as they come in. So there.
There is a sorry tradition among children’s movies of late that dictates that bratty kids are adorable…
As a followup to yesterday’s five great spy movies, herewith five really terrible ones… and I find it interesting that the spy movie seems to go so wrong when comedy is attempted. Given the ubiquitousness of terrible movies, this list is far from comprehensive, so please do chime with more really awful spy movies. The … more…
But will the unstoppable movie be stopped next week? 1. Alice in Wonderland: £4.8 million (3rd week; drops 34%) 2. The Bounty Hunter: £2.1 million (NEW) 3. Shutter Island: £1.8 million (2nd week; drops 19%) 4. I Love You Phillip Morris: £1.1 million (NEW) 5. Green Zone: £1 million (2nd week; drops 51%) (actual numbers, … more…
…for biggest movie ever: 1. Avatar: $54.4 million 2. The Book of Eli: $38.4 million (NEW) 3. The Lovely Bones: $19.9 million (NEW in wide release) 4. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel: $15.3 million (3rd week; drops 8%) 5. The Spy Next Door: $12.9 million (NEW) actual numbers, not estimates, for the 4-day weekend … more…
We know how it is: You’d like to go to the movies this weekend, except the apocalypse has arrived, and you’ll be busy protecting your books from rampaging hoards of desperate readers. But you can have a multiplex-like experience at home with a collection of the right DVDs. And when someone asks you on Monday, … more…
As a result of my review of The Spy Next Door, reader SD SD informs me via email: You are now officially cursed for using karma in your movie reviews. It doesn’t matter if you believe or don’t believe in curses. Anything bad that happens to you in your life you will would wonder what … more…
One wonders what sins Jackie Chan could have committed in a single lifetime to warrant having an abomination like this pathetic excuse for a movie weighing down his karma.
And so the traditional January onslaught of crap commences today, with the releases of Leap Year and Youth in Revolt. Next week’s The Spy Next Door ain’t gonna be pretty, either. Why does Hollywood hate us? If someone paid just slightly more attention to the people making movies, couldn’t we avoid creating really, really bad … more…
