It sounds ridiculous to criticize a movie about “four turtles, four brothers, genetically reborn in the sewers of New York” for being preposterous, but there we are. Sure, a story about an immortal warrior king who’s been walking the earth for 3,000 years and now summons 13 ancient monsters to New York City for what appears to be no good reason could work, but this animated reincarnation of the 1980s kiddie hit takes it all so darn seriously that you can’t even lose yourself in its goofiness. Apart from some gloriously stunning CGI -- a rainstorm sequence is a step ahead for the touchable reality of the technology -- and one zingy moment of cartoon mayhem, we’re subjected mostly to sibling angst between the four turtle boys; trite, tired jokes (do banks still give away toasters?); and nods to movies like Ghostbusters and Spider-Man that make you wish you were watching one of those NYC action fantasies instead. If you wondered what new could be possibly be done with a cartoon fad that had run its course twenty years ago, know we know: Nothing much.

(Technorati tags: TMNT, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)