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film criticism by maryann johanson | since 1997

White Noise 2 (review)

Remember how awesome the 2005 horror flick White Noise was? Weren’t you just dying — get it? dying? — for a sequel? Your wish has been granted. Now, I was actually looking forward to checking this out because it stars Nathan Fillion, the seriously geeky girl’s seriously intense crush thanks to his Han Solo-er than thou performance as Captain Mal Reynolds in Firefly, and Katee Sackhoff, the seriously geeky everyone’s seriously intense crush thanks to her fucked-uped-er than thou performance as hotshot fighter pilot Starbuck on Battlestar Galactica. So you know what it means, then, when I tell you that even these two coolest of the cool cannot make this endurable. Fillion is a guy who has a near-death experience and then discovers he can hear dead people in the static of electronic devices — hearing the voices of the dead was the premise of the first flick — but wait! He also discovers that people about to die have a strange aura about them, and he can see that, too. And so, because he is griefstricken over the untimely murders of his wife and young son, he is going to save all those people who are about to die. If you’ve seen the Final Destination movies, you know death doesn’t like to be cheated like this, and things go poorly for him. And for Sackhoff, too, who’s a nurse unfortunate enough to make his acquaintance. If there’d been a scene in an intergalactic space bar where they could drink and brawl and compare war wounds, that might have made this tolerable. Without that, not so much. Though the script does work in one good — and by “good” I mean “cheap and implausible” — Firefly reference. [buy at Amazon]

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MPAA: rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and terror, some disturbing images, thematic material and language

viewed at home on a small screen

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