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part of a small rebellion | by maryann johanson

dream cast: hypothetical ‘Princess Bride’ remake

It’s Thursday, so it’s time to remake an 80s classic TV show or movie with an all-new cast. This week: The Princess Bride, the 1987 fantasy spoof that’s one of the most quotable flicks of the decade.

(This week’s topic was suggested by my brother Ken, who figured it was the ideal movie for me to play with. If you have a suggestion for an 80s TV show or movie we should recast, feel free to email me.)
The original cast featured:

Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts: Cary Elwes
Buttercup/The Princess Bride: Robin Wright
Prince Humperdinck: Chris Sarandon
Count Rugen: Christopher Guest
Vizzini: Wallace Shawn
Inigo Montoya: Mandy Patinkin
Fezzik: Andre the Giant
The Grandson: Fred Savage
The Grandfather/Narrator: Peter Falk
The Impressive Clergyman: Peter Cook
The Albino: Mel Smith
Miracle Max: Billy Crystal
Valerie: Carol Kane

I don’t have suggestions for everyone, but here are a few of my picks for a new cast:

Buttercup/The Princess Bride: Scarlett Johansson
Count Rugen: Daniel Craig
Fezzik: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
The Albino: Eddie Izzard

Who would you cast?

And the battle of wits has begun!

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  • JoshDM

    Orlando Bloomin’ Onion as Wesley.

    Meanwhile, this demands some snark-attention.

  • bitchen frizzy

    Inigo Montoya: Antonio Banderas (admittedly an obvious choice)
    The Grandfather: Robert DeNiro
    Miracle Max: Joe Pesci
    Valerie: Doris Roberts

  • bitchen frizzy

    Okay, I’ll continue

    Buttercup: Lindsay Lohan (don’t laugh)
    Count Rugen: Tim Roth
    Prince Humperdinck: Leonardo DiCaprio
    Vizzini: Wayne Knight
    The Impressive Clergyman: John Travolta
    Yellin: Ron Livingston

  • JoshB

    Vizzini: Vince Vaughn
    Miracle Max: Samuel L. Jackson
    Valerie: Alfre Woodard

  • Ken

    I’ve been working on this, basically since I suggested it:

    Wesley: Milo Ventimiglia
    Inigo Montoya: Devid Tennant (okay, so he’s not Spanish. But neither is Mandy Pantinkin. Tennant can do the combination of drama and comedy required)
    Fezzik: Shaquille O’Neal
    Buttercup: Sophia Myles
    Rugen: Alan Rickman
    Humperdink: Tom Cruise
    Vizzini: Jack Black
    Miracle Max: Jon Stewart
    The Albino: Nick Frost
    Impressive Clergyman: Michael Palin
    Grandfather/Grandson/Valerie/King: I got nothin’

  • JoshDM

    I am recanting my original post; Orlando Bloom would make a great Inigo Montoya. He even has the hair for it.

  • Ken

    Rugen: Alan Rickman

    I think what I’m really hoping to see here is Alan Rickman as Snape as Rugen:

    “Good heavens… are you still trying to win?”

    It would fun/painful to find a part for Shatner

  • Bill

    Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts: Paul Bettany
    Buttercup/The Princess Bride: Keira Knightley
    Prince Humperdinck: Hugh Grant
    Count Rugen: Robert Downey, Jr.
    Vizzini: Paul Giamatti
    Inigo Montoya: Don Cheadle
    Fezzik: Michael Clark Duncan
    The Grandson: Fred Savage
    The Grandfather/Narrator: Martin Sheen
    The Impressive Clergyman: Michael Palin. Good call.
    The Albino: Nick Frost. Again, good call.
    Miracle Max: Jim Carrey

  • MaryAnn

    Inigo Montoya: Devid Tennant


  • sara

    Really? David Tennant? I don’t know if that would work out the way everyone’s dreaming. I thought Wesley, for sure.

  • “Really? David Tennant? I don’t know if that would work out the way everyone’s dreaming. I thought Wesley, for sure.”

    oh, yes, really! Westley is great, but Inigo is just so memorable a character — besides, Westley is probably only in his early 20s .. whereas Inigo has been seeking revenge for 20 years…

    oh hell, i confess — i’d see David Tennant in *anything* as *anything*…

  • Althea

    Some excellent suggestions here. My favorites so far:

    Westley: Orlando Bloom (capacity to look geeky, vs Milo Ventimiglia, who can’t)

    Buttercup: Keira Knightley
    Fezzik: Michael Clark Duncan
    Vizzini: Jack Black

    Grandfather: Robert deNiro (or, actually, why not Peter Falk again, he’s still grandfather-capable)

    But then, can we consider Naveen Andrews from “Lost” for Inigo Montoya? I have no idea whether he can swashbuckle, or look any way but deadly serious, but for looks alone he’s perfect. And how about:

    Miracle Max: Kevin Bacon
    Valerie: Kyra Sedgwick
    The Impressive Clergyman: Christopher Eccleston or John Malkovich

  • Hank Graham

    You guys are SO missing the obvious:

    Buttercup: Amy Adams

  • Althea

    Hank, you’re onto something there. Amy Adams for sure.

  • Alex

    Wesley: ?
    Princess Buttercup: Evan Rachel Wood
    Prince Humperdink: James Franco

  • Rodney


  • Rodney

    Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts: LEONARDO DICAPRIO
    Buttercup/The Princess Bride: BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD
    Prince Humperdinck: JAMES FRANCO
    Count Rugen: EDDIE IZZARD
    Vizzini: PAUL GIAMANTE
    Inigo Montoya: ANTONIO BANDERAS
    The Grandson: FRANKIE MUNIZ
    The Grandfather/Narrator: ANTHONY HOPKINS
    The Impressive Clergyman: ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
    The Albino: DAVID CROSS
    Valerie: BETTE MIDLER

  • Hdj

    Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts: Channing Tatum
    Buttercup/The Princess Bride: Amanda Seyfried
    Prince Humperdinck: Justin Timberlake
    Count Rugen: Daniel Craig
    Vizzini: Simon Peg
    Inigo Montoya: John Leguizamo
    Fezzik: CGI giant voiced by James Earl Jones
    The Grandson: Daveigh Chase
    The Grandfather/Narrator: Harvey Kietel
    The Albino: Nick Frost
    Miracle Max: Zach Galifianakis
    Valerie: Amy Poehler

    this took me bout 15 to 20 mins , so no I did not over think this.

  • matt

    WESTLEY: Ryan Reynolds
    BUTTERCUP: Keira Knightley
    COUNT RUGON:Hugh Laurie
    VIZZINI:Jason Alexander
    INIGO: Enrique Iglesias
    FEZZIK: The Big Show (WWE)
    GRANDFATHER: Robert De Niro
    GRANDSON:Jonathan Morgan Heit
    THE ALBINO: Dan Fogler
    MIRACLE MAX: David Spade
    VALERIE: Rachel Dratch

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